A man’s relationship with alcohol can take many different forms. Men and alcohol can be the best mates or the worst mates. Alcohol can be something you enjoy quietly by yourself and it can be something you enjoying wildly with others. Rarely, though, is it something us men talk about. But I’d be lying if I said it was something we didn’t think about.

As a 20-year-old, I knew that my relationship with alcohol was poor and I needed to get away from it for a while. The problem was that when I felt this way, I had mates who were in the midst of a love affair with booze and wanted me to join them for the weekend. I, too, was guilty of persuading (forcefully, mind you) friends who wanted to take a break from the beers, to forget about how they were feeling and have five or 10 too many with me.

Us men know that too much booze isn’t good for our health, but we love our mates and we’d do anything for them.

Herein lies the problem: for many men, seeing mates and having a drink go hand in hand

I have a good group of mates. We talk to each about how we’re feeling and what is going on in our lives. We share in each other’s successes and support one another when we’re struggling.

But alcohol has this interesting effect on us. In pairs or smaller groups, it’s not a big deal if booze isn’t around. But as the group swells, so does the expectation that alcohol will come along with it. We never even consider a gathering of 5-10 of us without a few beers to go along with it.

A Harvard study on men’s health found surprising results about men and alcohol

In 1938, Harvard University began tracking the health of 268 Harvard sophomores and continued to do so for nearly 80 years, expanding the study to include the original men’s children, who today are in their 50s and 60s. The study found two things that I find incredibly interesting about men and alcohol.

First it found that loneliness kills, and its effects are as powerful as smoking or alcohol dependence. According to the study, those with strong social support experience fewer mental health difficulties as they age. Second, it found that those who avoided drinking alcohol to excess tended to live longer, enjoy better health and were happier.

Here it was, a proven fact that maintaining close friendships is one of the most important influences on your health. This becomes a problem because so many Australian friendships are formed and maintained with alcohol. Most of the time this isn’t a problem; men can drink and not have it affect their lives. But often, as is the case for nearly half a million men in Australia, alcohol destroys their careers, their health and those very relationships that keep them mentally well.

Enter Movember, when the great moustache army swarmed the nation

This month is the perfect opportunity to bring the issue of men and alcohol to light. On Daybreak, Hello Sunday Morning’s award-winning program that supports people to change their relationship with alcohol, 70% of members are women. But it’s not because women are more likely to have a complicated relationship with alcohol. It’s because women are more likely to reach out for support to change it.

Us blokes are getting better at talking about our feelings and our families. But often we’ll do this over a drink, even if we don’t feel like one.

The official Movember website lists prostate cancer, mental health, suicide and testicular cancer as the key areas of men’s health they support. All of these are significant issues that affect thousands of men across the country and prevent them from living the happier, healthier and longer lives that Movember Foundation wants for them.

The scale of the issue

Many don’t realise that alcohol kills more men across Australia than our suicide rate and road toll combined.

And with prostate cancer the second leading cause of cancer death, research has shown that blokes who have more than five drinks a day increase their risk of prostate cancer by 18%.

The challenge is to find ways to connect with our mates, or develop friendships with new ones, without relying on alcohol to do so. It’s not an easy challenge and one that I still don’t have a great answer too. I’m one of the lucky men who have a sport I love to play and have time to play it. That helps. I’ve also got close mates who I’ve known since I was 12 years old (I’m 30 now). But not all men are lucky enough to have this. Many men struggle to find a place they fit or struggle to reach out for help when they need it.

Join the conversation at Hello Sunday Morning or visit Movember Foundation and help a mate today.

Written by Jamie Moore, Hello Sunday Morning General Manager.

Brad Hopkins, Director at KPMG’s Infrastructure & Projects Group, reflects on the corporate culture of drinking and his three months without alcohol.

Personal drinking habits are an unusual topic to kick around with colleagues. The magic little liquid holds a cherished position in corporate Australia – its ubiquity and impact on our work environment is rarely spoken of.

I have never been regarded as a big drinker and I never thought of myself as having a ‘drinking problem’. Despite this, I was challenged by a friend to tackle three months without alcohol and I finished this stint in May 2017. Now I’ve decided to do another three months, and I’d like to encourage others to have a go. My motivation is old fashioned curiosity – the original stint was so surprising that I’d like to see what might happen next.

So, what can you expect if you join the experiment? I am sure it will vary dramatically by person but I have described a few of my own surprises below.

One month is a good start, but longer is better

I had quit alcohol for a month once before but was persuaded to try a longer three-month stint this time around. The longer break was recommended by a friend, Chris Raine, of Hello Sunday Morning. Hello Sunday Morning’s mission is to provide tools and support to help people assess their relationship with alcohol. The thing I like about this organisation is that they don’t tell you how much you should drink. Instead, they help you learn something about yourself and your habits.

For me the first month was largely occupied with self-congratulations and predictable outcomes. I lost some weight and saved some money. Far more interesting things happened in months two and three. With time my concentration began to improve, my stress levels declined and my sleep improved.

Why did these changes take so long to materialise? Research on the impact of long-term, low-level drinking is patchy at best. Some theorise that alcohol, even a small amount of alcohol, has a neurological impact which alters our brain long after any hangover abates. Recent studies show that drinking small amounts of alcohol (e.g. 14 units per week) over extended periods is linked to changes in the brain and poorer long-term cognitive function.

Although the research is scant, I find it hard to imagine something that has such a significant impact on our brain in the short term (drunkenness) not having some cumulative impact (concentration, sleep, mood) in the longer term. These longer-term impacts could take time to abate once we stop drinking.

Successful people drink less than you think

For the first two weeks of my sobriety it felt like corporate Australia was awash with booze. I counted no less than twelve work-related drinking opportunities across fourteen days. Friday afternoon drinks, lunches celebrating arrivals, departures and successes, boozy nights out with clients or colleagues. In the corporate world, all of these events provide shared experiences that strengthen our relationships. Alcohol helps people bond at a fairly low cost compared to more thoughtful alternatives.

As I talked more about my sobriety, people shared stories about their own drinking habits and I discovered a lot of non-drinkers and highly disciplined drinkers lurking in the shadows of corporate Australia. Many of these “well considered” drinkers were highly successful business leaders and entrepreneurs who had turned away from alcohol for a variety of reasons.

Some of these people had well-evolved strategies for avoiding alcohol without being conspicuous about their abstinence. They would accept a drink and hold it as a prop, do the rounds at functions and exit early or restrict themselves to half a glass of wine nursed through an evening. These are the tips they do not teach you at graduate training.

Concentration is king

In the second month my concentration began to improve dramatically and the modern curse called “distraction” finally departed. Despite digging through the research, I haven’t been able to uncover why my concentration levels jumped. The cause is probably multi-faceted and I suspect that sleep is a big part of it. Alcohol is a notorious disrupter of sleep – although it helps us drift into sleep, the sleep is less restorative and more prone to interruption. My sleep gradually improved until I was getting 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night in the second month.

Frankly, the reasons didn’t concern me as much as the outcome – I was delighted with my new cognitive superpowers. I had one of the most productive and successful periods of my career.

Moods matter

The modern workplace revolves around our ability to think and interact with other human beings. Our reality as modern workers is that our mood directs much of our approach to people and problems. Mood can skew how you approach somebody, or indeed whether you bother approaching them at all. Whether you are calling on your emotional intelligence or solving a problem, having some control over your mood seems important today.

Any level of hangover, even from one or two drinks, makes me a little bit grumpy. For me, alcohol was a handbrake and encouraged a mindset that was muted and homogenous. As the experiment continued my moods shifted to a place which allowed me to engage more fully with the people and circumstances around me.

Stress less

Like many of us, my job is stressful and it probably always will be. As my dry spell wore on I realised that the glass or two of wine shared with my wife over dinner was actually a way of dealing with a stressful day.

It turns out that alcohol is a terrible antidote for stress and anxiety. Recent research shows that, for some people, being stressed reduces the impact of alcohol resulting in more drinking to achieve the desired result. Drinking causes short-term relaxation but reduces our ability to manage stress. For me, abstinence made me better at dealing with and responding to stress at work and at home. I was harder to rattle and recovered more quickly.

What comes after three months without alcohol?

I am going to dive into a further dry spell for another few months without alcohol. It is not easy, particularly when habits have been entrenched over many years. Whether your own challenge is work stress or Friday night socialising, there are good strategies for dealing with this.

If you’re thinking of giving up or cutting back on alcohol yourself, Hello Sunday Morning offers an app/online program, free for Australians, called Daybreak. Join a community of people on the same mission as you, and see if you notice any of these differences in yourself after three months without alcohol.

Check out our blog on the link between stress and anxiety or chat to a Care Navigator in our Daybreak app to find the best strategies for you.

Join the 70,000 people who get our latest blog, media articles and personal stories delivered to their inbox every week

Mindfulness is a trend that has really taken off recently. This may be because everyone is just so busy, stressed and anxious that we have forgotten what it means to savour something or how to actually be present in a moment. Every second article you read on a Facebook feed or popular blog is about being more mindful in your day to day life; eating more mindfully, socialising mindfully or practising mindfulness, yoga or meditation. But how to drink mindfully is fast becoming an important part of the conscious movement and we are all aboard that train!

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is when the mind is fully tuned into what’s happening, the space you occupy, and the activity you’re engaged in. Living mindfully means that you are completely present in that moment, aware of everything that is going on around you, and not tempting yourself into reacting or being overwhelmed by these things. When we’re mindful, we reduce stress, enhance performance, gain insight and awareness through observing our own mind, and increase our attention to others’ well-being.

What does it mean to drink mindfully?

Can you recall a time when you arrived at a party or an event and went straight to the bar?

This may be because you were nervous, excited, or socially anxious, or you just bee-lined to the bar out of habit. Another thing to consider is that we constantly want to do something with our hands, so holding a glass and drinking is a way to keep our hands occupied while we are in a conversation and socialising. The result is that we find ourselves drinking and not even thinking about it, not to mention whether we really wanted that drink in the first place. Or the second drink. And especially not the seventh drink; by that point, the ability to drink mindfully is very hard to get a grip on, as may be the rest of your evening.

If we drink mindfully, it means we are experiencing the drink and deciding whether we like it, considering whether we would like another one, and maybe even tossing up whether it would be worth the headache tomorrow if we had too many. When we drink mindfully we are able to decide whether or not we will be drinking that night and it will be our decision. Not our friends’ decision. Not a cultural decision. Our decision.

It is common to turn to alcohol as a way to cope or deal with certain situations, whether that be stress at work, anxiety, relationship issues or a range of different emotional strains that we think drinking will help with. Sometimes it may relieve these difficult emotions in the short term. But if these issues are not resolved, a dependence on drinking may be added the list. So if we are mindful of how we are feeling or why we drink, we can understand that no matter what Homer Simpson says, drinking will not solve any problems. In turn, learning to drink mindfully helps us develop a healthier relationship with alcohol.

How can I drink mindfully?

Mindfulness is a practice and it requires you to be fully present. For example, if you want to drink mindfully, you need to first pause and ask yourself whether you want the alcohol or not. You may be going out to dinner with some friends and they are all planning on having a ‘big night’. But you have an early morning activity lined up the next day. So, you would check in with yourself to see if you feel like a drink that may lead to more drinks. Alternatively, you may just feel like a delicious meal and treating yourself with dessert instead.

Maybe you’re invited out to drinks with friends. In this case, to drink mindfully you wouldn’t order four of the cheapest house wines. Rather, you could order one delicious and expensive cocktail to enjoy for the duration of the night.

A third way to drink mindfully at parties and events is to just be present when you arrive for the first ten minutes, without heading to the bar. Suss out the crowd and the vibe of the place, greet your friends and then decide whether you feel like a drink. You may surprise yourself by realising you actually don’t need to drink to enjoy yourself. Remember that this takes time, so allow yourself the time and maybe a few practice attempts!

How can you incorporate mindfulness into other areas of your life?

Try this mindfulness technique from our ‘experiments’ list on Hello Sunday Morning’s app, Daybreak.

When experiencing an urge, it may be easy to feel overwhelmed by the internal experience. Mindfulness reduces the likelihood of getting caught up in the urge. Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present in the moment and aware of our surroundings; noticing our thoughts and emotions as elements of our present experience and not the entire experience itself.

Five steps to live mindfully:

1. Practice

Set aside time each day to practice mindfulness. Practicing daily means that you will be in a better position to practice mindfulness when you need it. For example, when experiencing an urge or distressing thoughts and feelings.

2. Observe

Sit or stand still and observe your surroundings. Where are you? What can you see, hear and feel? Also, notice your thoughts and feelings in the present moment.

3. Let go

You will experience distracting thoughts and feelings. For example, you may notice yourself making a judgement or you may remember something you need to do. Do not engage the thoughts or feelings, but simply notice them and let them roll by.

4. Re-focus

Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings and then return to what you were doing, which is noticing the present moment.

5. Show compassion

Don’t judge yourself or your thoughts and feelings as good or bad; just gently bring your mind back to the present. This skill takes practice, so go easy on yourself.

It is natural to have many thoughts going through our minds at any time. Remember, thoughts come and go and you are not your thoughts; you are much more than your thoughts.

6 ways an alcohol-free
month can kick off your best year

With a whole month of the new year already coming to an end, people are still likely to be keeping their resolutions and sticking to goals. But while Dry January could be the month that spikes motivation to a whole new high, the real trick is avoiding a February plummet.

We’ve all heard of the challenges like Dry January, Dry July and Ocsober, where one abstains from drinking alcohol for the entire month — often to raise money for charity. While these challenges often give back to people and communities in need, more importantly they help people consider their relationship with alcohol if they haven’t before, and to better understand whether or not that relationship is healthy.

Dry January is often taken on in an attempt to redeem oneself from an overindulgence during the festive season, which, let’s face it many of us are guilty of.

But this is exactly where the problem lies … Why do we feel the need to drink to excess during a celebration? And isn’t it telling us something deeper about our drinking culture when going just one month without drinking alcohol is such a real challenge that people will financially sponsor us to do so? There’s bound to be those who toast to their success by finishing a bottle of wine or two.

The real challenge lies in acknowledging and carrying through the lessons learnt during Dry January and adapting a healthy relationship with alcohol henceforth.

Many partakers realise they need to cut back on their alcohol intake and want to continue a moderate drinking behaviour they self identify with, thus reducing the extreme drinking behaviour that caused the month off in the first place.

Lessons learnt and benefits gained

Experiences from abstaining for the month vary for different people depending on factors including how regularly and how much they drink. Nonetheless, everyone will gain something out of doing one of these challenges, whether that be on a physical, mental or deeper self awareness level. Recent research on people drinking an average of 35 units a week has shown that going dry for just one month decreases liver stiffness (a sign of liver damage) by 10–15 per cent and leads to significant reductions in weight, blood pressure, cholesterol and insulin resistance. And this is only the tip of the iceberg: other benefits include improved sleep quality, avoiding dependence, enhancing relationships with your loved ones and work colleagues, boosting your productivity and saving money. If one can benefit from these improvements for just one month, imagine a lifestyle where you consistently understand and negotiate your relationship with alcohol.

Sarah, A Hello Sunday Morning member, recorded a similar challenge and took the month of June off drinking to give her body, spirit and bank account a break. She posted her experience on Hello Sunday Morning’s community platform.

‘A while ago I would have said it would be impossible for me to go more than a few weeks without drinking. But I made it through the month and it turns out it wasn’t as big of a deal as I had thought.’

Here are the lessons she learnt:

I got to the core of my drinking and realised that I was using it to self-medicate. So I prioritised my mental health and found that seeing a doctor gave me some perspective on what the real issues were.
A month seems long, but it isn’t forever. If you have tried to give up alcohol in the past, you may have cut it out completely and told yourself that’s final. But giving yourself an achievable time frame to change your habit and learn about your relationship with alcohol can be better in the long run.
It was my main focus and I wasn’t backing down. Any other goal like working out more came second and I could let that slip and still be proud that I achieved my one thing for the day … not drinking.
It’s not easy. I missed drinking as a reward, I didn’t instantly have a supermodel figure, I wasn’t always feeling on top of the world and my life.
BUT … My sleep improved, I am proud of myself, I’ve lost weight and with that I’ve gained a newfound confidence. I also used my money for more important things like paying off debt.
The BEST part of all? I have changed my relationship with alcohol. I know now that I can go for long periods without a drink, I can abstain or I can just have a few. I have the power to CHOOSE. Don’t worry about making the whole month, just focus on making it through tomorrow.

Talking sustainability

There is an ongoing debate about the long-term effectiveness of these challenges. A number of limitations from a public health perspective include a lack of long term support for the behaviour change process, and confusing people with an “all or nothing” message about alcohol.

The option of buying a “golden ticket,” for example, allows the purchaser to take a night off from the challenge and is considered by critics to encourage binge drinking. In terms of cultural change, seeing a brief period of abstinence as an inherently monstrous task probably serves to reinforce the importance of alcohol in our lives and proves ultimately ineffective, if not destructive.

So, does a dry January lead to a monsoon February? ‘Taking a Dry January could actually trigger the same sort of negative boomerang effect as do restrictive diets, like abstaining and then binging to make up for it’, says Dr. James Ferguson, a liver specialist at Queen Elizabeth Hospital Birminghamin England. If people return to their pre-dry January drinking levels in February, health benefits are lost.

No one said sticking it out would be easy

In Mark Tuschel’s book, Okay, I Quit. Now What?, the author identifies that while quitting destructive drinking may initially be easy, life after can be tricky to navigate. The future may look bright when you’re feeling on top of your game, but like anything that is worth doing, it’s not an easy road.

“Quitting destructive drinking is the easy part — staying quit is the hard part. What do you do tonight, tomorrow, next weekend, when you go on vacation, for the rest of your life?”

The book lists some realities you may inevitably have to face when you decide to cut back on drinking short or long term:

Temptation, self-doubt and self-pity
Anger, guilt, frustration and sadness
Feelings of loneliness and isolation, like you’re the odd person in a group or party
The dissolution of friendships and relationships
Excess time on your hands and unspent money in your pocket
Feelings of superiority, boredom, a lack of enthusiasm

But if you really ask yourself, honestly, whether the realities outweigh the advantages to your lifestyle in the long run, I’m sure many would still want to change the way they drink. Tuschel asks readers to take out a pen and paper and scribble down the realities they think they will personally face by carrying through a changing relationship with alcohol:

What realities listed here must I personally face?
What other realities do I have that weren’t listed here?
How can I make the best of these realities?
What realities am I avoiding?
What can I do to better understand my realities?
What actions will I take to deal with my realities?
What behaviours can I get better at so I can accept and control my realities?

So, you’ve conquered a dry month? Here are some tips to help you carry those lessons forward.

So as Dry January comes to a close, you could return to old habits with ease. Or you could ask yourself whether it was worth the month of temptation, the month of complete abstinence, the month of learning some important things about your drinking and yourself, to just let this chance to change slip away. Are you going to make 2017 the year you changed your relationship with alcohol, and take back your Sundays?

Originally posted on Hello Sunday Morning’s Medium page.

How often have you sculled a delicious beverage? Or scoffed down a tasty meal without even thinking about how the food was prepared or how the flavours complement each other?

What we are forgetting to do when we follow this behaviour is savour. Even moving away from the experience of food, sometimes we’re so preoccupied thinking about what to do after a beach walk that we forget to watch the waves, listen to the sea gulls and really feel the sand between our toes.

While savouring involves pleasure, it is in fact more than that. It involves mindfulness and “conscious attention to the experience of pleasure”. When we are more aware, we notice and acknowledge pleasure., whether that be through feelings and emotions or through a stimulation of our senses. What this allows us to do is filter out distractions, and become awed by being in the world.

The savouring experience

Ever experienced a moment that you will never forget? This is savouring! When we reflect back on a treasured moment, often we can remember exactly what we were wearing, the smell in the air and the temperature outside because our minds took a mental photograph and we savoured a memory.

Practicing savouring is practicing mindfulness

Often we don’t find satisfaction from mindlessly doing. We can appreciate something more when we take the time to savour the thing and therefore experience a deeper level of gratitude.

Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the greatest mindfulness zen masters of our time, teaches us that “Each minute we spend worrying about the future and regretting the past is a minute we miss in our appointment with life – a missed opportunity to engage life and to see that each moment gives us the chance to change for the better, to experience peace and joy.”
And like most things, it’s a practice

The health benefits of savouring

And if you weren’t already convinced, savouring is actually good for your health! For example, positive psychologists have found that savouring is protective against depression, while dieticians have found savouring food is both better for digestion and an excellent way to keep that bikini bod in shape.

So what can I learn to savour?

Often when we think of savouring, we think: wine. Sommeliers and amateur wine tasters are good examples of people who practice savouring.

But as we’ve already mentioned, almost everything can be savoured. Bread can be savoured. The moment can be savoured. Even places can be savoured. So now we’ll consider how you can learn to savour what is lauded as the best drink of the day: tea.

Next to water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world. Although we often refer to the long history of alcohol in human society, tea is another substance that can compare in terms of cultural significance.

We have a few ideas to get you on your way to becoming a tea connoisseur by practicing the art of savouring:

How to savour tea

Perform a tea ritual, where the process is not about actually drinking the tea but all about preparing and serving.

Do an at-home tea tasting and see if you can guess between a cuppa of Oolong or Matcha.
Head to a tea festival.
Experiment with tea and food pairings.
Have some ‘me’ time and put the kettle on before picking up a good book and crashing on the couch.
Learn to read tea leaves to predict the future.
Master the craft of brewing the perfect cup of tea.

The best thing about savouring?

You can do it whenever, wherever. And if you happen to be around Sydney in October and want to put your new skills to the test, sink your teeth into Sydney’s Good Food Month and savour the flavours.

When we think of holidays we usually think of sipping Pina Coladas on the beach somewhere exotic, feeling guilt free for doing absolutely nothing but enjoying some sweet, sweet chill time.

We tend to splurge on fancy accommodation, shopping sprees, food, and for many: plenty of booze to celebrate taking some time out. But what if there were a way to find balance on your holiday? Bring it back to why you’re there in the first place. To unwind? To explore a new place and create experiences?

But why should I lay off the alcohol while on holiday?

Balancing alcohol and travel is possible! And in fact, it is a great way to get the most out of your holiday experience. Here is why you should give it a go:

Holidaying sober means there will be nights you will remember and memories you won’t forget.
You’ll make the early morning pick up in the lobby for a tour you’ve booked and paid for months in advance.
You won’t crave greasy, fast food from overpriced tourist joints all day.
Wake up feeling fresh to get outdoors and explore.
You’ll meet people and make relationships not based on the sharing of tequila shots but on the sharing of stories.

You don’t have to be a ‘booze traveler’! Okay to this all sounds great. But there is one destination most people would completely rule out as a sober holiday…Vegas! We believe you can do Vegas sober and actually have an excellent time!

How to do Vegas sober

Viva Las Vegas, the Holy Grail of alcohol and ‘all you can eat’ buffets.

You may think there’s not much else to do but party and gamble the days away, but Vegas is packed with activities one can enjoy without alcohol.

Check out fun things to do around Sin City (Sober)

There are loads fantastic things to do in Vegas, you just need to do your research! Enjoy all kinds of world famous entertainment from magic shows to burlesque dancing. Enjoy the bright, flashing Vegas strip from rooftop terraces or create a mocktail tour of the grandest hotel pool bars.

See the natural surrounds: get active

Not only is Vegas notorious for strip shows but also the surrounding natural environment.

To keep your figure in shape and deter you from the minibar, there are tons of adventures offered for those who like to stay active while on holiday. Hike one of the many trails or go on a sunrise balloon ride over Grand Canyon, book a driving experience on a vegas race track (wouldn’t want to try that one hungover) or kayak the Hoover Dam. Bonus Active Holiday Tip: While it’s great to have a break from wearing active wear when travelling, wearing exercise clothes really is practical for most activities (and doesn’t take up much room in the suitcase). You can wear your sneakers and tights on the plane, for morning walks and to and from hotel facilities.

For those after something a little more relaxing, why not treat yo’ self!

Check out some of the best day spa’s on the Strip:

Pretty much, if you can do Vegas sober, you can do anywhere sober. Sticking to a balanced holiday will mean you won’t overdo it. Viva Las Vegas!

Summer these days is the time for some serious music festival hopping. Sunshine, friends and good music. What’s not to love?

But festivals are beginning to acquire a bad rep.

They’re sweaty, expensive and exhausting. In fact, it’s not a stretch to consider the similarities between attending a festival and the experience of a hangover. Which is to say, they can both be the actual worst.

But what to do when, despite those inconvenient truths, you still long to turn up starry eyed for your golden performers? Whether you’re rocking this event sober or not, we have some tips for you to have the best summer festival season yet.

How to have the best music festival experience

Shred for stereo

Just kidding. But prepping for a festival physically will probably improve your experience of it. Don’t worry, that doesn’t necessarily mean actually getting fitter! But more along the lines of making sure you’re hydrated, sleeping well the night before, and having a good meal before the event.

If you’re camping out at a festival, sleeping well could prove a little trickier. But there are things you can do to improve the chances of having a good sleep, which is why you should check out these tips for camping at a festival.

When it comes to food, festival meal options are often meagre, and usually gut-wrenchingly expensive. The solution to this problem: snacks. Trail mix, muesli bars and lollies are simple and delicious ways to beat the tummy grumbles without breaking the bank.

Be pragmatic, people! Sunscreen. Water. Snacks. These things seem like no big deal now, but on the day they will *literally* feel like life-savers.

Planning and prioritising

Sigh. Does it sound like we’re turning a fun event into an organisational chore? It really doesn’t have to be! I mean, you probably do this stuff already, but make sure you check out the festival program beforehand.

Does this sound familiar?

“Gah! CC the Cat and the Tinpan Orange are on at the same time‽”

We hate to break it to you, but sometimes, you need to compromise. Prioritise.

Who are you attending the festival with? What’s their taste in music? You’ve got to consider these things before selecting your fam! Maybe even discuss your game plan together before heading in. Goooo team!

Take what you need

You know that feeling, when you’ve been battling it out in the scorching heat for eight hours, and as the sun goes down you begin to feel yourself slow down. Woah. Now you’re feeling it in your bones. This isn’t tiring. It’s bloody exhausting.

A couple of points here. If you feel miserable standing in a mosh pit to get the best spot for an act that is starting in three hours, you don’t have to do it. Isn’t the sole point of this experience to have fun? I mean, don’t get me wrong – I totally get you. I have been there, and will be again. There is some part of our overstimulated, overtired brains at that point in the day that says, “stay, it will be totally worth it!” And it might, but it also might not. I guess it’s a form of FOMO.

Chilling a little further from the stage, near some pals and owning some dancing space – this battle plan is often far more enjoyable.

Taking it further, if you’ve had enough of the event, that’s also cool. There is sometimes a bizarre but powerful force of social energy that keeps us sticking around. But just know that you can bail if you want to. Take what you need from the experience, and then, if you want to, leave.

So think about what you need. Pack your bag (light). And get ready for festival season: we’ve got some exciting Sunday mornings to say “hello” to.

Ah, dads. We love them. We fight with them. Some of us are them.

They are the architects of the best/worst jokes known to mankind (depending on your taste). And for many of us, they represent great pillars of strength and sanctuary. Fatherhood is a beautiful thing.

And it can be easy to forget that our dads have lives of their own. Between giving life advice and being consistently overbearing, dads remain in the middle of their own journeys; they have their own lives and hopes and dreams.

When was the last time you asked your dad how he is doing? I mean really asked him. Person to person. Is he struggling with anything at the moment? Does he feel comfortable talking to you about his emotional circumstances? The answer might be no. And that is okay. But chances are that there is a wealth of wisdom lying latent in your dad’s catalogue of personal experiences.

For example, have you ever talked to your dad about his relationship with alcohol? It is a difficult topic to broach, terrifying even. I mean, where do you begin? Honestly, he probably feels the same way as you do, wanting to share his experience but not sure where to begin.

How to talk to your dad about alcohol

Think about what to say

You know when you’re caught in a persistent cycle of thoughts before you’re about to have the conversation you’ve been dreading? Rumination. It can be truly toxic. So don’t let that occur. Just think about the issue vaguely. And then let it go until you have the conversation. If you begin to feel that sensation of dread creeping up on you, stop. Acknowledge it. And move on with your day.

Be gentle, but direct

By this we mean: don’t ambush them with the subject, but also make sure not to beat about the bush. You want to talk turkey and get to the crux of what you want to say. This conversation will, at first, be confronting. Wait for the right time. Take a deep breath. Say the thing.

And believe me, there will come the moment, just before you open your mouth, during which you will want to bolt. Your insides will turn to mush and your voice will be stolen, having dissolved into thin air in a split second. But that is okay. You’ve got this.

Begin the conversation: share something about yourself

But how to actually begin the conversation? There are many ways you could approach the topic, and the best for you may vary depending on your relationship with your dad. But generally, a good tip is to share something about your experience with the issue. So you could say something like “I have been thinking a lot about my relationship to alcohol lately. I have realised that it has been really valuable for me to reflect on it.” In your own words, of course, but you get the idea. Saying something personal demonstrates to the other person that you are comfortable (or maybe uncomfortable, but open to) being vulnerable around them.

Illustration by The Oatmeal

In her TED talk, Dr. Brene Brown discusses the power of vulnerability. It is exceptionally difficult to let yourself be vulnerable in front of others. To be vulnerable is gutsy. To be vulnerable is brave.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen,” says Dr. Brown. Letting ourselves be vulnerable. And, she adds, “staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” Which, many have argued, is sort of the point of everything. We are wired to connect to other people, it’s one of the things that has enabled humans to be so successful as a species.

Plus, even though we don’t talk about it, most of us are actively seeking those honest human connections. We are looking to have more meaningful conversations, even though it often feels as though we are caught in a rut of small talk.

When it comes to talking to Dad, being vulnerable and having these talks can feel extra harrowing. Dads are tough. Dads embody masculinity. For many of us, their support can feel like a emotional sanctuary. And this remains true.

Although we’re often taught the opposite, being emotional is tough. Being open and unguarded is the most mortal and powerful things we can do.

Humour

Despite having raved about how difficult this is in the past few paragraphs, this conversation will ultimately be wonderful. Strange, scary, wonderful. All of it. So don’t be afraid to be yourself. Use a bit of humour, be engaged and excited to be having this discussion. In fact, laughter is even suggested to be great way to get people to open up.

Laugh about how scared you were to have this conversation. Laugh about how difficult all of this is.

Don’t assume anything

And finally, don’t make any assumptions about where the conversation will go. We project so many of our personal biases onto other people, all of which are based on our personal experience of the world. And we sometimes forget that we will never completely know people. We know things about them. We know what they like and what they dislike. But no person will ever completely know what is going on inside the brain of another. So don’t assume anything. Let yourself be surprised.

So, this Father’s Day, have a difficult conversation with him, and give him the gift of connection.

Dinner is about far more than sustenance. Birthdays, work meetings and first dates; our most important moments in life occur over dinner. In fact, the ritual of mealtime can be truly nourishing and meaningful.

So just what are the key ‘ingredients’ to hosting the best dinner party around town? We’ve got the recipe.

Step 1: Plan it in advance

It is crucial to plan. But unless you are planning a wedding, this needn’t be a monster of a task to plan months in advance. How many people, how much food, what kind of food, location, budget and so on. Plan to know what’s coming up.

Step 2: The basics

When

When will you be hosting this dinner party? Ask a few prospective guests and make sure there are no big events or birthdays around then.

Where

Do you have enough space at your place? Or can you hold it inside or outside? What will the weather be like?

There are no textbook answers to these questions. Some like to host parties in smaller spaces that feel cosy, occupied and busy. Decide what you prefer and what options are available for you.

Who

Now, consider your invitees. You want a good number of people cosying around your dining table. You will want to consider whether they will all get along. Consider no-shows and plus-ones.

The food

Now for the exciting bit! What enticing delicacies will you serve up? Key thing to remember here is that you don’t want to be too busy cooking on the night, so consider dishes that you can make in advance. And a useful tip: avoid crazy dishes that you have never made before. This could very well equal disaster and a last minute run to the local takeaway. Know that complicated dishes are not necessarily more impressive than simple meals made with good ingredients and a whole lot of love!

Have you thought about dietary requirements? You’ll need to factor these things into your food set list too. As a fail safe, maybe try to have a vegetarian/vegan alternative in case there are any guerilla herbivores in the mix.

You can even look into recipes suggested specifically for dinner parties.

Step 3: The big day

On the night

One of the most difficult things to do: relax and have fun.

Even though (inevitably) you’ll have half your mind on your schedule and other hosting duties, try to be present and savour everything going on around you. While it may seem that your duty is to feed your guests, in reality it is for you to spend time with them. Don’t start to clean up mid-event; you can get to it later, and hopefully with a bit of help!

Don’t stress

Despite all your wonderful planning, expect things to go wrong at the last minute. Learn to adapt. That’s part of the fun! Self-professed “maniacal-perfectionist” and homemaker extraordinaire Martha Stewart says wisely, “So, the pie isn’t perfect? Cut it into wedges.” Stay in control and never panic.

Try to expect the unexpected. The first guest will arrive early. You’ll encounter an unexpected dietary requirement. Children will make a mess. These things happen! But if you’re well prepared, you’ll still be able to kick back and have a blast while you’re at it being an excellent host.

Quoting, again for her dinner-party savvy, ol’ Martha Stew, “there is no single recipe for success. But there is one essential ingredient: passion.” Just add the final garnishing touches, and voilà: you’re hosting a dinner party!

So it’s Friday night and you get a text from the guy/girl you’ve recently given your number to. ‘Would u like to go out for a drink’ asks your charming suitor. But you’re not so sure. You’d love to hang out with him/her, but you’re now questioning whether this drinking and dating business is all it’s sought out to be. Maybe you don’t drink at all. Or maybe you are just taking a booze break for the moment.

Where to go from here?

Dating without drinking is hard. How do you quell the pre-date jitters that will inevitably encroach? What if your date is a drinker and feels uncomfortable? We’ve considered these issues and have a few pointers about how you can date sober, and have a great time while you’re at it.

Dating without alcohol

1. How to meet people when you’re dating sober?

Short answer: Tinder

Let’s be honest, Tinder has changed the way we date forever. The simple fact that you don’t need to ‘head out’ to meet people, cramped in a musty, boisterous bar, is game changing. And we’re not the only ones interested in the cultural phenomenon that is Tinder. The app is now so firmly embedded in the zeitgeist that there is both a song dedicated to it and a film being written about it. And if Tinder is not your flavour, there’s Match.com, okcupid, Happn and a plethora of other matchmaking technologies to try out. As superficial or awkward it might feel at first, these dating apps provide you a chance to meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise come across, say, at a bar. As this blog describes, Tinder presents a microcosm of what happens in the real offline dating world.

But honestly, almost anywhere else

Have you ever eyed someone that strikes your fancy while in line at the grocery store? Or when you’re on the train or at the gym. The thing is, when you start dating without alcohol you realise that you’re almost always on your A-game. Yes, it takes guts. But you’ve got them! Just go for it.

2. What to do on a date besides go out for drinks?

While the default date might be drinks, there are actually a ton of other options to consider. The classic alternatives are of course coffee/dinner dates. Good standard date fare, you know more or less what to expect. But if you want to think outside the box, some options could include a visit to the museum, hiking, a peruse at the farmers markets or live music. Another good idea is to check out if there is anything interesting happening in your town like sporting events or film festivals.

Another date activity which seems to be gaining a bit of popularity is the active date. Whether it is rock climbing or dancing that tickles your fancy, active dates bring the goods by helping you get to know each other better. Plus there might be some advantages to getting your heart rate up when you’re courting as per the Misattribution theory of arousal. The idea is that your brain mistakenly attributes your increased heart rate to the physiological responses elicited by the body’s erm…arousal response, and as a result, both of you are more likely to find each other attractive.

3. How to deal with date nerves when you’re not drinking?

Who doesn’t feel jittery before an exciting rendezvous? Not using alcohol to quell these nerves can feel daunting. A couple of things you can give a whirl instead:

Relax

This may seem obvious but it is easier said than done. Figure out what works for you. Write or talk about your anxiety, maybe call a friend. Take a few deep breaths and try to get out of your own head.

Be comfortable

Wear what makes you feel the most comfortable (although maybe cover the basics like wearing shoes and having a shower) and schedule at a time that actually works for you. Some people like heading out straight after work so they don’t have time to dwell on their jitters, whereas others like to have some time to themselves beforehand.

Nerves can be good!

Your nerves could very well be indicating that there is something there. That is, chemistry. Alcohol typically dulls our sensory and emotional experience so without it we’re open to the raucous disarray of emotions that warp us when we’re under the spell of a potential new love. Of course, that doesn’t make the experience any easier, but try to reframe the experience in a way that embraces these jitters!

Go in with an open mind

Your date will probably be just as nervous as you. Plus, remember that you can’t control everything, it’s probable that throughout your lifetime you’ll have to sit through the good the bad and the ugly when it comes to dating. And the best part is that you’ll be learning about yourself all the way through . Of course that’s not to say it will go poorly! So maybe just imagine you’re going to see a mate to have a fun evening and approach the experience with an open mind.

4. How to date drinkers when you’re dating sober?

First of all, consider why you are dating this person in the first place? If you have similar interests or values, then whether or not you’re drinking likely won’t be a concern. But it can feel uncomfortable at first. Try to consider it from their point of view too. What is it like for them to date someone who isn’t drinking?

At the end of the day, if your date is not comfortable with you declining a drink, you may want to reconsider whether you really want to spend time with them. Because, what dating sober does, is allow you the clarity of mind and sensory sensitivity to more realistically perceive the chemistry between you.

Plus if you’re in the early stages of seeing someone, know that, while it helps to be honest, you don’t owe anyone your life story or the reasons why you’re not having a drink.

And on top of all of that, you may actually open their eyes to a world of non-alcohol related possibilities. They might just love you for that.