Do you care deeply for a friend or family member and you’re worried about their use of alcohol? Maybe they’re drinking in larger amounts or more frequently than before, perhaps their behaviour has changed, or their health seems to be suffering. They may not be meeting work, social, educational or family obligations like they used to.

You might think the person you care about needs to change their relationship with alcohol, so how do you navigate this delicate situation?

Understand the issues

 Understanding what it means when people drink too much can help you approach your loved one with knowledge and sensitivity. Not everyone who drinks alcohol is dependent, and a person’s pattern of drinking can change over time depending on their thoughts, feelings and life circumstances.  

Australian health guidelines recommend limiting drinks to less than 10 a week and no more than 4 on a single day. People who drink every day are more likely to have problems than people who don’t.  If it’s difficult for the person to cut down or stop drinking, or feel sick when they do, these are signs that the person may be dependent.

When people are ready to change their relationship with alcohol, there’s a lot of help for them to do so including peer support such as our Daybreak app, general practitioners, online and face to face alcohol counselling, and withdrawal and rehabilitation services for people with dependence. Our article on professional help explores these options in more detail. Familiarising yourself with the facts will help you speak confidently and compassionately about the issue to your loved one, and avoid unhelpful confrontation.

Plan the conversation

Choose a time to talk when your loved one is not drinking and when both of you are calm, alone and will not be interrupted. Your goal is to express concern and support, not to accuse or blame.

Think about what you will say and practice beforehand to boost your confidence.

Have the conversation

When you’re ready, approach the conversation with kindness and patience. Ask for permission to have the conversation before you start. Here are some tips:

• Express your concerns: Calmly explain why you’re worried and provide specific examples. Use ‘I’ language rather than ‘you’ when possible.
• Listen actively: Allow your loved one to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption, arguing or blaming. Show empathy and understanding.
• Avoid judgment: Refrain from using labels like “alcoholic” or making moral judgments. Focus on your concerns regarding their drinking, not the person themselves.

Offer support: Let them know you’re there to help and that they’re not alone. Explain what you know about the help that’s available if they’re receptive to hearing it. If they do acknowledge the need to make a change or seek help, assure them you will be supportive. If they need time to think about what you’ve discussed, don’t push and prepare for another talk later.

Be patient and persistent

Change doesn’t happen overnight. Your loved one may resist outside help or fall back into old patterns of drinking at a later time. It’s important to remain patient and persistent:

• Celebrate small victories and acknowledge any positive changes, no matter how small.
• Stay supportive and continue to offer your encouragement, even if progress is slow.

Look after your own well-being by letting your loved one know what you are and aren’t willing to accept where their drinking and its impacts on you are concerned.

Maintain open communication

Keep the lines of communication open. Regularly check in with your loved one and ask how they’re doing. Let them know they can talk to you about their struggles without fear of judgment. Being a reliable source of support can make a significant difference in their journey of change.

Take care of yourself

Supporting someone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol can be emotionally draining, particularly if they are very close to you. Make sure to take care of your own mental and physical health. The Australian Drug Foundation provides a list of contact details for organisations that support families and friends.