Stuart’s story: how alcohol lied to me…and it’s lying to you
Stuart, a father of 3 and Daybreak member shares his story.
I broke up with alcohol. Because it lied and cheated on me.
After many decades together, I thought we had a mutually beneficial relationship.
But I got to the point where I realised alcohol did not have my back, and there wasn’t one benefit in sticking with it.
There were lies all around. Alcohol-induced lies. Lies I told myself. Lies society kept throwing at me at every turn, on every street corner.
Alcohol’s a reward. You’ve had a big week, mate. And a hard earned thirst, earns a big cold beer.
- Alcohol will help you relax.
- Alcohol is good for you in moderation.
- Alcohol is the perfect distraction for the busy mind.
- Alcohol makes you more fun and you have more fun.
- Alcohol represents success. Bond, James Bond. Nice watch. Bespoke suit. Scotch in hand.
These were lies I accepted. But realising the runway of life is now much shorter than when I began my relationship with alcohol, I needed to be honest with myself.
So, I questioned the fundamentals of the relationship - and came away enlightened.
Alcohol wasn’t a reward. I was poisoning not fuelling my body.
Research told me there was no safe level of alcohol, nor any proven health benefits.
As for a great distraction and reward, well, why was booze the best option given what I was learning?
That went too for the so-called connection between alcohol and fun. I’m a sociable guy when I’m sober. Why do I need to get buzzed to have fun?
On the social cachet associated with drinking, again it was all smoke and mirrors. Nothing more than a creation of advertising and marketing.
As I realised all this, the lies fell like a house of cards.
So, I told alcohol we were going to have a break.
Two years ago, I gave Dry July a go. It seemed like climbing Everest. One breathless step at a time. One alcohol-free day at a time, marked off on the wall calendar.
But I did it.
Then as a precursor to a UK holiday, I did it again last year. I even raised a bunch of money thanks to the support of friends and family.
Having proven to myself I could do it, I called alcohol’s bluff. This was more than a break to reset ourselves.
The days without the jungle juice became weeks. Became months. Now, I’m pushing towards a year - a milestone I would never have imagined.
And you know what? The longer I’ve gone, the less I’ve missed alcohol and the more the benefits have kept me going:
- From the get-go, my sleep was divine. Deep, deep undisturbed sleep which sets me up each day to be in the best condition.
- That’s meant no hangxiety. You know, that toey feeling as you try to get your thoughts in order and get on track for the day, even if you’ve just had a couple the night before.
- My heart health and blood markers have improved, meaning I can pull back on medications. I feel quantifiably better.
- So do my finances. In a cost-of-living crisis, going alcohol-free is as good as putting money in the bank.
- But the biggest plus - my absolute number one - has been the extended battery life I get each day. I get more done and squeeze more out of life, greeting each dawn ready and raring to go.
Our society doesn’t like it when you don’t drink. It’s not normal. And many of us have not questioned our choice to drink since we entered adulthood.
The reaction of friends and colleagues showed me how embedded alcohol is in our lives.
They’ve been curious about why I did it, how I did it and will I keep at it. Some have been so impressed they’ve felt inspired to follow my course. Others are dumbfounded, and look at me as if I’ve become a monk or joined a cult. No, I made a lifestyle choice.
For me, it’s not about what others think.
The truth for me was I was in an abusive relationship - alcohol lied to me.
So I got out and I don’t see any reason - not one - to get back together.
MY 5 TIPS FOR BREAKING UP WITH ALCOHOL
- Breaking up can be hard to do. Alcohol will do what it can to change your mind. Here’s 5 tips for what helped me.
- I rationalised why I was going alcohol free. What was the impact of the relationship? What would the result be if we broke up? How would life change? How would it improve?
- I identified trigger times and developed new habits. I equated finishing a big week as a time to pop the cork on the bubbly. I realised there was a 10-minute window where I had a craving, and I needed a distraction. That meant doing something different. I turned on the TV, walked the dog and substituted a champagne flute for a glass of mineral water or diet ginger beer. Guess what? It worked.
- I noted the benefits from breaking up. You are unlikely to escape internal and external pressures to drink. I countered this by reminding myself of alcohol’s lies and why we broke up in the first place. I mentally clock situations in life that I know I handle better because I am clear-headed and 100% on my game. Also, curious friends have helped me to verbalise why I freed myself from alcohol’s grip in the first place.
- I sought help. Over the years, I’ve discussed my drinking with health professionals. When I broke up with alcohol, I joined communities of interest like Hello Sunday Morning where I shared my experiences and listened to others. The Headspace app helped me find ballast in my life too.
- I rewarded myself. With my booze budget eradicated, I’ve had extra cash to buy the occasional small luxury or special dinner. I have more energy and the days are longer. That means I’ve had more time to smell the roses, jump on my gaming console, and pursue experiences that give me joy. I learned alcohol wasn’t much of a reward anyway, and just complicated life.
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I always had an on-and-off relationship with alcohol. From a young age, my friends and I loved partying – we lived for the weekend. Friday and Saturday nights were spent at the pub or nightclubs often not getting home till sunrise. I was also very involved in sport and I would abstain from alcohol completely
Wow ! So inspiring Stuart !So well written too . Thanks .
Thanks, Helen. Not far off from my notching up my first year off the grog. I’ll write something to mark that milestone. Cheers.
I luckily don’t have a raving for alcohol
The hardest thing about giving up alcohol completely is the ingrained habit of drinking at any kind of event, whether it’s dinner or a function, it’s the Australian way
The problem is once I start I don’t stop until I’m sick.
Hi Mark,
You’re not alone. There is quite the drinking culture at social events.
Many people in our Daybreak community have found ways to avoid drinking. You might like to join this supportive and anonymous community of like-minded people. Here’s the link: https://hellosundaymorning.org/daybreak/
Thanks for the feedback on my piece. I know moderating doesn’t work for a bunch of people, like me. Others can. Ultimately, I felt I just had to be honest with myself. And life’s too short to start the day feeling seedy. Cheers.
Great story Stuart. This really resonated with me as I realised there is more to gain than lose when being alcohol free.
For those considering taking a break, just give it a go. One day at a time.
Thanks Troy for sharing. I’ve been drinking since I was 15 and now 56. I gave up cigarettes 24 years ago but alcohol seems harder as it’s more embedded and socially accepted. But you have given me great inspiration to nip it in the bud. Cheers.
I like a glass or two of wine. Moderation would serve people well in all parts of society , not just alcohol.
Good advice, Troy. I started ticking each day off the calendar. Now I often don’t even think about not drinking – I just don’t do it.
Well done Stuart! Keep it going. Its such freedom to make this break although its not easy at first. I particularly like how good my sleep is, i crave it come the end of the day. Enjoy the day, Happy Father’s Day to you.
I see on the Daybreak app how some people really struggle even stringing a few days together. We all have our own journey here. I love that there’s communities like these to help others.
Tick tick tick.
Perfectly said. I can second all of the above. Alcohol is a jealous lover.
It wants your undivided attention. It will push out all positivity.
Happy Webber, so true. You get a bit of a buzz from the booze but we know how that inevitably messes with our mind. Thanks for reading my piece.
Thank you Stuart for this well articulated and thoughtful article. As both an Emergency and Drug and Alcohol Nurse, I look for great ‘layman’s’ information/education to use with my patients. This is going into the files, ready for printing on demand!
Thanks, Wendy. You’re on the frontline, wow. So much damage is done from alcohol. Hopefully my piece can serve as at least providing a glimmer of the joy on the other side.
Thank you for this article. I am about to walk down to the beach to write my Breakup Letter with alcohol and you really helped my clarify some of the things I’m thinking and going to write.
This takes true courage, Sandy. I hope that went super well. Just taking that action should make you feel really proud.
You are 100% on the money Stuart. It’s the world’s biggest con! Congrats on making the change and sharing your story. A great thing for a Dad to do on Father’s Day.
Thanks Louise. Alcohol does so much damage to our families and communities. We CAN make a choice, but I know it’s not easy for lots of people because we’re surrounded by messages that encourage drinking. The key is to find likeminded people.
Thank you for your honesty. Your story has been inspirational to me, and you must be very proud of your achievements so far. Well done.
Thanks, Sandy. I’ve started listening to podcasts on those who are choosing to stay the course. That’s the next challenge, but I’m up for it.
Wine is my downfall. It’s hard because I own a bar and alcohol and alcohol consumption is all around me. I don’t imbibe behind the bar, but at the end of the night I definitely go at it. I’m tired of it and scared to, like you said, stop listening to the lies. I love the “ten minutes” of uncomfortableness. I’d love to hear more about how to get through the cravings and come out without a glass of wine in my hand!
Hey, EM, you’re in the thick of it. I find it interesting that as much as you work in the industry you can divorce the work aspect from the social. You are wise enough not to get on the grog on the job. So, it’s a mind switch? For me, it was all about breaking habits – challenging my thought patterns in a deliberate way. Hey, yeh, I would normally have a drink now work is done, but let’s do something else for 10 minutes instead – and that can be a powerful circuit breaker. The more you do that, the easier it gets. I’ve totally been where you have been. Be courageous. Be thoughtful. Have a crack. Good luck, EM.
Hello Everyone. To the author, thanks for sharing this. I loved the perspective. I initially thought it was related to the book “Alcohol Lied to Me” from Craig Beck. It’s a very easy listen. I had it on my audiobook library. Only lasts 4 hours. I’m sure it can be found on other formats like paperback, kindle, etc. I highly recommend it. As far as me goes, I lost 35 lbs once I stopped consuming alcohol (wine). But I have slowly allowed it to creep back into my life, just like a lover (following the example of this article). I will be looking into the Daybreak app and re-reading the book I previously mentioned. Thanks again and good luck to all!