Using your off-button to stop drinking

Many people talk about not having an off button for drinking, but what does this actually mean? 

Why is it that some people are able to stop at one drink, but others stay for five or six more? And why does our off button sometimes work well, for example, when we are at work-related drinking gatherings, but not so well when we’re at home in front of the TV? 

The answer is a fascinating combination of individual genetics, life experience and environmental factors. These three factors intersect to determine our ability to moderate our drinking. And there is a fourth factor, which we will leave to the end: the icing on the cake of moderate drinking.

1. Individual genetics

Our genetic make-up plays a role in our relationship with alcohol and are responsible for approximately fifty percent of the risk for developing alcohol use disorder. Although genes alone are not responsible. Environmental factors and interactions play a role too. Of course, what we learn from our family whilst we are growing up is important, too. If we have been raised in an environment where drinking to excess is the norm, that may influence our relationship with alcohol. Those who have a family history of substance dependency are more vulnerable of developing a drinking problem.

2. Life experiences

Our life experiences will influence how our brains work. Essentially, people who have been exposed to a lot of stress in their lives will generally be more reactive to things around them. Their fight-or-flight system has been activated so many times, and in so many situations, that it is primed to go off at any moment. 

This just means that a person who has had a lot of SLEs (stressful life events), either recently or when growing up, carries this with them in the form of an altered cortisol, serotonin and dopamine reward system. This means that they might feel scattered or exhausted from being on high alert a lot of the time, and will be in much more need of ways to relax, which is where alcohol comes in. 

The relaxing and disinhibiting effects of alcohol are much more profound for someone who is already feeling on edge, and so drinking is positively reinforced. 

The neuroscience is too dense to go into here, but the relationship between the two is really strong. Have a look at our previous post, where we discuss the link between SLEs, anxiety and drinking. 

3. Environmental factor

Our environment plays a huge role in our drinking. Consider the process of having a glass of wine when you are out at dinner, knowing you need to drive home. The part of your brain that controls decision making and safety, your prefrontal cortex, is switched on and reminding you of the possible consequences of having more than one drink, including an accident, getting picked up by the police, and paying for a taxi home. That inner voice is strong against the temptation to have another, and unless there is a really good reason, will usually win out. 

Our prefrontal cortex is the part of us that gets us out of bed in the morning, tells us to buy vegetables instead of chocolate for dinner, and does our tax return. Sometimes, when we are out with friends, or at a birthday or special occasion, we feel comfortable putting the prefrontal cortex away for a bit. We consciously decide to ‘let our hair down’, and stop being adults for a while. This is great and necessary, but it means that there is no inner voice to gently remind us that we may have had enough. 

The less we think about
what we need to do the next day,
the more we think about
what our next drink would be

4. Alcohol

The fourth factor, the icing on the cake, is alcohol itself. With each drink we have, our cerebral cortex is affected. Our brain is pumping out dopamine, as well as a combination of neurotransmitters that relax and slow us down. Our decision-making abilities become less and less, and we are thinking less about what we need to do the next day and more about what our next drink will be. 

So, think about a situation where the prefrontal cortex has been put to the side for the moment and our adult selves are not needed to pay bills, feed children or make a dentist appointment. It might be a special occasion, like a birthday or a holiday. We are in a great mood, and even if we were feeling a bit anxious to begin with, with each drink, the evening gets better and better. With each drink, we are thinking less and talking, dancing, taking photos, etc. The adult part of our brains is well and truly unplugged now and we are in the moment, having a great time … for now. 

Or, perhaps you are at home, on a Saturday night. It is a night off and you’ve had a big week. So, you open a bottle of wine and start watching a movie or TV show. Perhaps you are listening to music and the time gets away from you. Before you realise it, you’ve almost finished two bottles of wine without even noticing. Your relaxing night in has somehow ended up as a big night, which you’ll feel the next day for sure. 

A situation like either of these is a good example of when the off button might not work due to a combination of no boundaries, or an environment where others are drinking and there is a lot of available alcohol. Our environment is supporting us to drink more and more, and everywhere we look, others are doing the same. 

Our initial experience is positive, and even if we have less positive experiences as the evening goes on, what we remember is the good stuff, the things that happen before the alcohol starts to affect our hippocampus, which is the part of our brain responsible for making memories. 

One thing that is good to remember
is that in some situations,
we are really no match for alcohol,
even if we expect ourselves
to be able to stay in control

These three factors–individual characteristics, life experiences and environment–all combine to determine your individual off button capacity. If you are having some issues with alcohol and being able to stop at one or two drinks, it will be really helpful to consider situations where this is happening and whether there are any situations where drinking in moderation is possible. 

The good news is that it could be as simple as looking at your relationship with alcohol and understanding what role it plays for you. Am I drinking to stop feeling anxious at parties, but then forget to stop once I’m relaxed? Is my drinking more about switching off that critical voice that is telling me I’m not good enough? Am I using alcohol to help me get in the mood to party? 

One thing that is good to remember is that in some situations, we are really no match for alcohol, even if we expect ourselves to be able to stay in control. It is like taking a sleeping tablet and asking you to stay awake or eating a whole pizza and expecting to still be hungry afterwards. The reality is that alcohol is a drug, and just like any other drug, it affects our brain, our mood and our health. This is good to remember when we are setting our expectations of ourselves and our relationship with alcohol. The more we drink, the more we will be affected, and we know that in certain situations the opportunity to drink more and more will present itself. 

If you are finding that your off button is jammed, not working, or perhaps non-existent, here are a few tips that might help improve your relationship with alcohol: 

Take a break – even if it is just for a week, it might be helpful to see what comes up during that time. Attending events sober and sticking to your plans can be a good way of understanding a bit more about the role that alcohol is playing for you, and how you might like to use it in the future. 

Set goals – remember the pre-frontal cortex? Sometimes it can be good to keep it somewhat engaged, reminding you of your goal to have only one or two drinks. If we set ourselves a goal, we might not always stick to it, but at least we have some idea of what to aim for. 

Know yourself – if, having reflected on your drinking, you realise that your off button goes missing when you are drinking at home by yourself, or when you are out on a Saturday night, take some measures to protect yourself. This could mean only having a small amount of alcohol at home or bringing just enough cash for one drink when you go out. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, and generally, there are situations that we can predict will result in excessive drinking. 

Maintenance – a great way of exploring this issue is through sharing with like-minded community. The Daybreak’s community support is a great place for it, where others will be having similar situation and share what has worked for them. Reading through what others have experienced, as well as sharing your own, can be a valuable way of understanding what is going to work for you. 

It may also help to talk to one of the Care Navigators at Daybreak about what is going to work for you. For some people, it may be a case of understanding that their off button is only broken in certain situations. For others, it may be a case of reflecting on when the button works perfectly. 

 

At the end of the day, our biological responses to alcohol are pre-determined by those three factors – individual genetics, life experiences and environment, but our relationship with alcohol is something that we have a lot of control over. Just like with any relationship, it sometimes needs a bit of work, but the benefits will be significant. 

19 Comments

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  • What a great article. It’s really helpful to have some deeper understanding into the factors behind over drinking. In particular I found the SLE part interesting. Great content.

    By Kay
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • Brilliant article, thank you.

    By A
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    June 11, 2022
  • Excellent non judgmental assessment of why my off button is not working
    Thanks I found this read very useful

    By Jane
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • Really well written article. I can relate this information to my situation very well so it’s a helpful insight into what I can do differently. Thankyou

    By Samantha Denney
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    June 11, 2022
  • Thanks. Thinking about trying Dry July. Good cause also engages the cortex.

    By Frannie
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    June 11, 2022
  • This information is so eye opening for me. Understanding why I can control my alcohol intake in some situations and not in others is knowledge I needed. Thank you Deb.

    By Deborah Dibb
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    June 11, 2022
  • This is a useful summary. I will share it with my psychotherapy clients who struggle to control their alcohol intake.
    Thanks

    By charels edwards
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    June 11, 2022
  • Great article. My family history includes heavy alcohol abuse, so I’m very conscious of this as it’s not something I can change .. your tips are helpful & I’ll give them a go !

    By Steve
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • Thank you for sharing this article. I can relate to having a broken off button when at home alone and do not have to worry about other responsibilities. Tactics that you share do work and it is totally up to me to apply them if I want a healthier life.

    By Patricia
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • Great article. I found the “know yourself” tip really helpful and I appreciate the tone of the article — that is, focusing on working on one’s relationship with alcohol and not simply the black-and-white view of abstinence or not (as some other organizations do!). Thanks – keep up the great work.

    By Anonymous M
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • Excellent! Really well written breakdown of how the off button works. Thank you!

    By Maria
    |
    June 11, 2022
    • Thank you…very helpful article 🙂

      By Lorraine Porter
      |
      June 13, 2022
    • I have tryed everything to control my alcohol use ,at the end it always faild ,I have now decided to go alcohol free ,simply by motivating myself by focusing on the disateros health consequences alcohol has,and rewardeding benefit’s to go without

      By Artur
      |
      June 30, 2022
  • That makes a lot of sense, thanks.

    By Bill
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • As Maria stated, really well articulated and easy to understand. The article does a terrific job at identifying multiple variables which influence our relationship with alcohol and then goes that most important, additional step further of identifying ways to navigate our way through and manage our responses. Well done!

    By Hamenth
    |
    June 11, 2022
  • Interesting read some really helpful tips and a good reality check on how to take a break from alcohol

    By Judy Hogue
    |
    June 12, 2022
  • This is all very interesting, it seems like I have all the issues mentioned, I’ve come to the point of using a medication called Naltrexone to help manage my off button. It is actually working. Two or three drinks and I’m going I’m ready for a cup of tea and falling asleep. Thankful for the medicinal opportunity.

    By Marion Leonard
    |
    June 14, 2022
  • Article gave me insight that I never had before – excellent

    By Brendan
    |
    June 17, 2022
  • Very helpful information. thanks

    By Gerald
    |
    June 19, 2022
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