By 8am this Sunday morning I have planed my day put on my phone already. Gym, work, visit grandpa, help grandma, even watching the tennis is written in my calendar. Who the f does that?! haha
The gym is expectedly bare at 8am on a Sunday. There is one other person my age, she looks like she has some issue with being skinny and is probably there as soon as it opens, every day.
After my work out, sitting in the sauna I was doubled over, squeezing the double handfull of fat that resides on the bottom of my stomach. Well, I dont particularly like that about my body. Call me superficial, but I want to be ‘toned’ as they say. Who doesn’t?
Then it hit me. I think I understand a bit more about why people binge drink.
The reason why we binge drinking is that we lose accountability. There are a whole magazine full of issues that we seem to create for ourselves in the context of society. You might be fat, pimply, socially inept, unfit or afraid. These are all choices that people make every waking minute about their lives and about their identity. Drinking is a great way to change the way we think about our identity, even for a brief moment.
So not drinking, that ‘minimize’ option seems to be removed.
Let’s take that unwanted spare tyre around my belly. I look at that and think to myself, ‘is this something that I really want on my body? If I had my ideal body, would this be here?’ Of course not. But that is my current reality. I feel like, because I am constantly in my conscious reality, I constantly question if it is the one I want to be in.
Are the choices I am making for myself representing the person that I want to be?
It seems to me that sobriety (or at least keeping in a conscious state) is the hard liquor of reality. It’s hard to swallow and more often than not, hot, awkward and very sticky. But I think when it boils down to it, its worth it.