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Tag: Australian Drinking Culture

Hello!

If you’ve been rethinking your relationship with alcohol and have stumbled across us, or signed up for our updates, we’d love to show you around. 

You may be asking who is Hello Sunday Morning?

Well, we’re an Australian based not-for-profit organisation dedicated to helping people who want to change their relationship with alcohol. For over 10 years we’ve been changing the world’s relationship with alcohol, one Sunday at a time.

Here’s how we started out, with reflection from our founder Chris Raine:

Chris Raine

Dear Chris,


The next decade of your life will be defined by excessive drinking… but not in the way you think.

READ MORE

And here’s how our story continues today:

Four out of five Australians believe we have a problematic relationship with alcohol that needs to change.

Many of us are looking to experience life without the hangover or making changes to how alcohol features in our lives.  

Hello Sunday Morning works with the support of generous partners and like-minded donors and individual givers to support Australian’s changing their relationship with alcohol, whether that relationship means abstaining, taking a break, or simply understanding how to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. We also focus on reducing stigma around not drinking or abstaining as people work through changes.  

Have you seen our app?

If you’re abstaining, taking a break, or wanting to learn more about changes to alcohol in your life, say hello to our Daybreak app.   

 

Daybreak is a personalised app that supports people changing their drinking habits, one day at a time. It provides support to anyone wanting to change their relationship with alcohol in an anonymous, safe, and secure environment, with access to Care Navigators and personalised support to help you achieve your goal. Because Daybreak is a digital service, you can access this through your mobile phone and enjoy the company of a supportive online community, anytime, anywhere.  

Daybreak app at a glance: 

  • Is a Government funded app that is free for all Australian’s  
  • Members connect to a supportive peer community. That is, people on the same journey sharing compassion, problem-solving, and accountability, helping each other navigate tough times, and keeping each other in check 
  • Provides access to Care Navigators. They can offer personalised care to help you find the most useful support for you right now  

 

Are you looking for more resources and support?

You’re in the right spot. 

If you’re looking to learn more through reading and viewing, so are we, and we’re updating our recommendations .Thinking of making your own alcohol-free drinks? Have a look at these recommendations  

Read our helpful resources
Alcohol free recipes from our followers

If you want to know what you stand to gain from quitting or changing your drinking, this list is worth book marking 

What Happens When You Stop Drinking Alcohol?
Changes in our bodies when we quit alcohol after 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 12 months

Did you know that we have a community of folks who share their personal stories?

We are part of a community of people from all walks of life looking to find a balance that works for them. You can meet them, and hear their stories on our blog  

Do you have a story to share?  

If you’ve changed your lifestyle and removed or reduced alcohol in your life too, we’d love to hear from you. Find out more here. 

You don’t have to go it alone when you’re changing your relationship with alcohol. Hello Sunday Morning is happy to keep you company if you decide to quit alcohol or make changes to your life.  

We appreciate your support 

The team at Hello Sunday Morning genuinely appreciates your support. With over 105k downloads to Daybreak and nearly one hundred thousand newsletter subscribers we love hearing from you and we particularly appreciate your generous support and donations to help even more people and provide vital help to those who need it most.

If you would like to find out more, please click here. 

Other than one unfortunate incident at the end of year 11 involving Southern Comfort and a ruined Guns N’ Roses t-shirt (from vomiting all over it), I didn’t really engage with alcohol until after I’d left school. $5 buckets of vodka and lemonade amongst friends was how I spent a Friday or Saturday night every month or so. That all changed when I joined the police in 1997. Drinking regularly with my work friends, and to excess, became a standard practice for me. And, I regularly drank more than I originally planned to, but benefitted from my young age with the ability to ‘back up’ the next day and go to work. Both my high level of alcohol consumption, and my ability to ‘back up’ seemed to be acknowledged positively and rewarded by my colleagues. As a female police officer attempting to infiltrate the male dominated detective squad ranks, I felt like this acceptance seemed like my way in. I achieved the rank of Detective Sergeant – but with the benefit of hindsight, I see that I had absolutely lost myself along the way.

During my 20’s and early 30’s, my binge drinking caused me to behave in ways that I now realise don’t align with my values. I often became blunt (let’s just call it rude) with people – sharing my opinions in a way that completely disregarded how the person I was talking to might feel about it. I engaged in high-risk behaviours and placed myself in so many unsafe situations – yet somehow, I was luckily never seriously harmed – I think the fact that I was usually around other police helped a little here. I don’t remember feeling like I needed alcohol back then – I could go for weeks without it and not think about it. But if we were going for drinks – my ‘drinking boots’ were ON!

In 2009 I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression and a Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I had slowly ground to a halt after years of exposure to traumatic events. As this downward spiral progressed, I moved from being a binge drinker with friends in social situations to someone who was avoiding social interactions entirely. I began drinking alone at home, often to the point of passing out. I left the police in 2010, a job that I loved but I recognised was no longer a good fit for me. As my recovery progressed over a period of about two years, my reliance on alcohol eventually decreased but didn’t ever go away.

For the next ten years I tried to drink moderately – but I was often drinking more than I had planned to, or drinking when I had decided I wasn’t going to have any at all. I am a triathlete and my training has helped me keep my alcohol consumption under control. However, Sunday afternoon was my designated time to drink and sadly I used to watch the clock all day until it struck 4pm because that was ‘wine o’clock’. Ironically, Sunday afternoons and Mondays were meant to be a time for me to allow my body to rest and to get a good night’s sleep – so I could be ready for the next week of training. Unsurprisingly, I rarely woke up refreshed on Monday mornings!

When COVID hit and we began working from home, my partner and I ended up drinking almost every afternoon. I felt awful, put on a huge amount of weight and hit the point where I decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I had previously connected with Hello Sunday Morning but had stopped so I decided it was time to get back on the app and read the weekly blogs and newsletters. I read ‘quit lit’ like Alcohol Explained by William Porter and in August 2020 I started a 30-day challenge with an online program and within weeks I absolutely loved how I felt. I upgraded to a 365-day challenge and got to just over 300 days alcohol free and one afternoon, after having an awful experience at work, I chose to drink wine. Then I catastrophised that it had all gone to hell so I may as well have more wine the next day and the next … getting back to hating how I was feeling every day.

I am still unhappy that I returned to drinking after such a long streak of being alcohol free but this experience gave me the opportunity to better understand what my triggers are and how to respond to them when they inevitably rise again. I now feel better prepared to deal with the types of experiences that trigger me to reach for a glass of wine (or four) in a way that sets me up to make good choices. Understanding why I drank really helped to clarify the fact that alcohol didn’t help address any of those issues at all, it only decreased my capacity to meaningfully deal with them.

My sober curious time helped me to reflect on my relationship with alcohol throughout my life. I have always struggled with low self-esteem and confidence. I now see that I drank in my earlier years to try and fit in and be more confident in social situations. I then moved to drinking to attempt to soften the impact chronic mental illness was having on my ability to function. I continued to feel like I needed to drink to try to ‘relax’, which I now know – thanks to William Porter – was the very opposite of relaxing. I never felt in control of my drinking. I was constantly negotiating with myself as to when I was allowed to drink each week and how much I could have. This time of reflection, following many years of trial and error, also confirmed that I cannot drink in moderation. 

I’m so much better without alcohol in my life. I sleep better and have so much more time to read amazing books and engage with interesting podcasts or documentaries. My mental health is easier to manage now. This process has given me the opportunity to get to know myself and to accept that I’m an introvert who will choose a book over a bar every single time. I used to worry that people would think I was boring. Now, if people think I’m boring or quiet – that’s ok – it’s who I am. I love the fact that I’m now good with that.

Allyson Lindsay works as a project officer with the Queensland Government. She is passionate about helping organisations to work more efficiently. Allyson is a triathlete who spends her spare time reading and being bossed around by her cat.

With 2021 behind us, revisiting self-care and a healthier relationship with alcohol may feature in your new year’s resolutions. The festive tradition of resolution making has long been a useful strategy to press the reset button, helping us focus on extinguishing old behaviours, and introducing new ones. 

But change doesn’t happen overnight. You’re not alone if you feel overwhelmed in encountering barriers to change your drinking habits. 

Despite the best of intentions, old habits do die hard. 

Confession time – most people give up on their New Year resolutions within the first month. A study by Edith Cowan University (ECU) research revealed that two thirds of the people surveyed had the same, or nearly the same, resolution as in the previous year.

 


The good news though, according to Associate Professor Joanne Dickson, is that there’s still a pathway to success, through setting specific and attainable goals.

‘The resolution to lose five kilos will more likely endure in the face of obstacles, difficulties or other competing resolutions if it’s linked to higher personal values, such as beliefs about one’s health or appearance. Setting specific goals that include a time, place and/or people provide the mental cues to assist people to stick to their resolution goals,‘ says Professor Dickson.

 

Motivations can shift when we are revisiting how alcohol features in our life, and we can slip back into old ways. Making long term change calls on us all to dig deep, ask ourselves tough questions and challenge any change-resistant responses. It’s a new year, we’re up for that right? 

Let’s tackle a few familiar barriers, and help you approach things a little differently: 

Barrier 1:

‘I‘ve tried to quit or modify drinking before and it didn’t work’

How to tackle it:

New habits take time, and patience. 

We’re often so keen to see the results of desired changes that we become impatient if it’s not reaping immediate rewards, and past failed attempts can serve to diminish our motivation. 

Philosopher Aristotle said ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.’

Returning to a resolution is a testament to your perseverance. There’s no magic time frame for a new habit to settle in so keep at it! 

Breaking habits can be achieved by making new ones, so set yourself up for success with specific resolutions:

  • On Monday nights I will walk while listening to a podcast
  • One night a week I will go to the gym with a friend
  • By drinking less, or not at all mid-week I could save money (read our past blog). 

Draw your attention away from how you feel socially and towards how you feel internally with introducing change. Chances are you are probably already feeling healthier benefits.


 

Read more: What Happens When You Stop Drinking Alcohol?

Barrier 2:

‘I’m worried I’ll lose my sense of fun, that I’ll be boring or that my friends might not want to hang out with me if I’m alcohol free.’

How to tackle it:

Navigating social situations calls on strategies, with or without alcohol. Conversation doesn’t come from the bottom of a wine glass; it comes from you. If you’re worried about being ‘un-fun’  take responsibility for being the one to create the fun instead. Break out of the pattern of second guessing what you bring to friendships, or find the folks in the room who are most responsive to what you have to say. This can be instrumental in changing your perception about having fun without alcohol.

If you’re having difficulty finding support systems or feeling unsure how to connect with sober curious folks, try searching for #Sober or #AF (alcohol free) hashtags on social media for like minded company. Or download The Daybreak App  and hang out online with a supportive community and Care Navigation team who can help you to set achievable goals, and meet them .

Barrier 3:

‘Alcohol helps me manage my stress and my ability to fall and stay asleep – I’m worried about how I manage both without alcohol’

How to tackle it: 

We are creatures of habit. But we can, through support and experimentation, retrain our brain and body to move beyond habituated behaviours. Alcohol actually hinders us from having a restful sleep. 

‘Evidence indicates that, with regular use, alcohol quickly loses its effectiveness as a sedative for those having trouble falling asleep, while still retaining its sleep-disturbing properties. Many people describe alcohol helping them get to sleep, but then experiencing disturbances later on in the night or early morning – when we are meant to be getting high-quality REM sleep.‘ (Read more about how alcohol-use affecting sleep)

Instead of having a few glasses to manage stress or prepare for sleep each night try: 

  • an evening walk while you talk on the phone to a friend
  • listen to a meditation app
  • join a gym and tire yourself out 
  • participate in a social or community club focussed on activities with purpose
  • reward yourself with fabulous food  
  • take a break from your usual social life cycle, opting instead to try a new hobby 

For Louise her nightly drinking became something she felt she deserved after a ‘Long, hard day.‘

‘Regardless of my evening’s activities, every night ended with wine. Even if I was out at meetings and home late, I’d open a bottle.’

Louise embarked on a break from alcohol, taking on the role of designated driver to kick-start her move away from a dependency on alcohol. 

‘Somewhere around the nine-month mark I realised this was it. I wasn’t going back. Life was simply better without alcohol. I still enjoyed socialising, weekends away, dancing at parties and was often the last one to leave. I felt like I was 100% on form, day and night. Even stressful times were easier to manage without alcohol.’

Barrier 4:

‘I feel trapped by the cultural pressure of drinking. It’s so normalised on TV and in advertising. Saying no to a drink feels unpopular and unusual and I feel uncomfortable drawing that attention to myself.’

How to tackle it: 

When there are things going on around you in your social circle, that can certainly affect your ability to make change. It does take time to adjust to a new normal, and it may help if you ease into events where you feel drinking isn’t the most prominent activity. Sure, drinking is normalised in popular culture, but there’s a rising sober curious movement too. 

Change is a gradual and personal process

Making changes to your drinking is a slow and steady path once you are well and truly ready. 

If you’d like a little check in to conquer the New Year, our Daybreak Care Navigators have put together a great worksheet to set your intentions in writing. (Read our past blog on how to Conquer the new year here)

 

What’s holding you back from making your New Year’s resolutions? Whether your goal is to drink in moderation or take a complete break from alcohol, we hope you resolve to achieve something amazing this year. 

In early November, I hit a milestone of 300 days alcohol free. I felt surprisingly flat. The festive season was approaching and continuing to abstain from alcohol felt harder than it ever had before. Not drinking alcohol day-to-day didn’t bother me, it was just the social gatherings and celebrations which I was starting to find very challenging. 

Within the 300 days, I made it through two major events, my 30th birthday and my sister’s engagement party without an ounce of alcohol passing my lips. I felt proud of my strength to stay sober but also a sense of loss, that I was missing out while others were having more fun. 

Feeling sad about the prospect of staying sober at my upcoming Christmas celebrations, I started reasoning that it might be ok to drink again. I didn’t want to get drunk, just to allow myself to have one or two when I felt like it. 

By mid-November, I had successfully drunk moderately on two occasions without any consequences. Then came my first Christmas function of the year. I planned to have one mid strength beer per hour and drive home.  As soon as the alcohol was in my system, my mindset switched and my drinking escalated into a full-strength beer, followed by multiple glasses of wine and shots. The rest of the night was a blur ending with dire consequences including losing my phone, locking myself out of my house, writing off the next day and re-visiting the awful post-binge shame spiral.  

As I realised from my slip, the festive season can make it especially hard to stay sober or moderate drinking. There are several valid reasons for this, so it is important to recognise what these are if you are struggling with any urges. Some common urges to drink at Christmas time are caused by increased social pressure, increased availability of alcohol and heightened emotions. 

The expectation to drink at festive events is hugely ingrained in our culture so it is not surprising that there is increased social pressure to drink at this time of year. Workplace Christmas parties and sporting club break ups often come with the mentality that we can only  let off steam or celebrate achievements with alcohol.  

The increased availability of alcohol at festive events may present another challenge. Alcohol at corporate events is often free flowing as a reward, and intake can be unmonitored with large bar tabs.  The increased amount of social gatherings around Christmas and New Year also add to the number of drinking opportunities. I’ve found that multiple events and activities contribute to social fatigue which can also drive excessive drinking, which of course is  often used as a social lubricant. 

There is no doubt, emotions are heightened over the festive season and alcohol may be used as a way to numb any discomfort or social tension that this time of year brings for some people. Alcohol can also fuel arguments between family and friends – so all in all it’s a tricky time of the year!

From my recent slip, I was reminded that moderation does not work for me and sticking to non-alcoholic alternatives is the best option. Whether it is sobriety or moderation it is still important to have strategies to make it easier for yourself. This could be having a task to stay occupied such as offering food platters to other guests or making fun mocktails to share. It is also helpful to surround yourself with others who are not drinking or who are moderating their intake. 

Slip-ups may happen over the festive season. So it is important that if they do occur, be kind to yourself, learn from it and address the issues that may have caused the slip. 

A key take home message that may be helpful over this period, is to focus on what you will GAIN over the festive season by not drinking, rather than what you fear that you will miss out on. 

We chat to Osher Günsberg, one of Australia’s most recognised TV hosts, about how he learned to change his relationship with alcohol by taking it one day at a time.

Osher shares that he lives a great life now and can choose how he spends each day. This wasn’t the case eight years ago.

“There was a time when I could tell you exactly how my day would end. I no longer had a choice. I look at the way I lived when I was still drinking and I guess now what I get to do is live a life in contrary action to that.”

“Making the choice to not drink everyday, allowed me to redefine who I was as a man.”

Osher started to realise how embedded alcohol was in our culture and how socially acceptable it was to use it as a way to self-medicate. For Osher, it was managing his nerves and anxiety.

“It’s in every piece of pop culture, ‘Oh I need a drink, I had a shit of a day’. Everyone’s fine with it and for some people that’s okay, but for me I had started to use it to be able to function. The amount that I needed to feel okay eventually become unmanageable and I needed it to stop.”

When Osher had this realisation he reached out to a sober friend to ask how he managed to quit drinking.

“He told me he went to meetings and I asked him if I could come to one of those meetings with him, and he said sure.

I always thought sobriety was sad people drinking bad coffee on plastic chairs under a church. I didn’t know that sobriety could look like this guy who was fit, healthy and talented.”

You have to make the decision

Osher wrote down in a Journal the day he decided to start his journey towards an alcohol-free life:

“I won’t have a drink until I can have a healthy relationship with alcohol.”

He admitted that it was too much at first to say ‘that’s it, I’m never drinking again’; he had to trick himself.

“I remember at one point, one of the people helping me through it said all you have to do is just get to 10 o’clock tonight when your head hits the pillow without having a drink and you’ll be fine. So I got to 10 o’clock that night and put my head on the pillow and went, ‘well, there you go, I did it. It was hard, but I did it.’ The next day was just a tiny bit easier and the next day a tiny bit easier than that.”

“Sometimes it got smaller and I made the decision not to drink that hour.”

You need support

Within six weeks or so the possibility was evident to Osher that perhaps he could never have a drink again. However, by then he was okay with that. Osher said it wasn’t until he started to explore the reasons why he was drinking that it became easier not to. He went to meetings, worked with a therapist doing CBT, and explored other things and new people to inspire him. As well as finding meaningful work to do.

“There’s a big difference between being sober and not drinking.

Not drinking is – ‘I’m gritting my teeth and carving my fingernails into the desk here just to get through this shitty day and wishing that I could have a drink.’
Being sober is – ‘I’m okay with living life the way it is and I’m okay with the ups and downs.’


There’s a big difference with learning the skills and management strategies from your own emotions to get through those difficult times without turning to alcohol.”

One day at a time

Osher says the most important thing when changing your behaviour is to break it down and just get through that time.

“Sometimes it might be like, ‘I’m not going to have a drink before lunch. Then you get to lunch and say, ‘I’m not going to have a drink before dinner and you grit your teeth after sunset and say, ‘you know what? I’m going to go to bed today without having a drink’. Sometimes you make that choice not once a day, but ten times a day.”


“If you’re no longer making choices in your life because of your drinking I would say to you – what are you doing to yourself? To your family? And to your own happiness?”

Feature image by Who Magazine

Recent years have seen an increase in the number of people who are taking part in initiatives like Dry July, Ocsober, FebFast and others. You might say that an increased focus on public health by high profile organisations and sponsored by high profile public figures, is a universally positive thing.

This is because we are rethinking our patterns of consumption. These initiatives also give us the opportunity to break patterns of behaviour that we know to be harmful and occasionally destructive. In addition to this, we are given the opportunity to raise money at the same time – to support just those causes.

Opening up a conversation

Approaches like this are a world away from twenty years ago, when the thought of going for a month without alcohol was derided and mocked. The normalisation and visibility of these campaigns has opened up the conversation about why someone might choose to take a break from alcohol and made it possible for people to openly say that they are choosing to abstain.

There is only one potential issue with approaches like this. From a behavioural perspective, addressing an issue like alcohol consumption by going ‘cold turkey’ might not actually result in lasting changes. When we are considering our relationship with alcohol, we are acknowledging that it is a part of our lives, day-to-day. Stopping for a month may be a good way to get into shape and have a break, but we are not necessarily working on the way that we use alcohol itself.

Positive Change?

For some people who do Dry July, their experience of having a month off alcohol will be so positive and profound that they may never drink again. For the majority of people, however, they will return to drinking and likely slip back into old habits and patterns of alcohol use. As a psychologist, I often have clients describing a positive experience doing Dry July. Things like improved mood, weight loss, more energy and money saved, are then undermined by what happens when alcohol is reintroduced.


From a behavioural perspective, it is nearly impossible to change the relationship with something when it is out of your life. You actually need to be coming into contact with it in order to understand how to best manage it!

Many of my clients express frustration about how well they did in Dry July and then the issues they have had with starting to drink again and feeling that nothing has really changed. The big challenge is finding a way to still have alcohol in their lives, while not necessarily using it every day, and in large quantities.

Consider you were going into relationship counselling with your partner. Yes, you would likely benefit from individual sessions. From these sessions you might get some insight into relational patterns and how you are being affected by the relationship problems. However, the real work would be done in the sessions with your partner. This is when your triggers are activated, when you have to struggle and experience in real life some of the issues that have led you to make changes.

It is the same with alcohol. Changing our relationship with alcohol is, essentially, a learning experience. We must re-learn how to use alcohol and how to manage its effect on us. Taking a break and then hoping we have ‘reset’ may not be enough. It is beneficial but is not really a longer term option, particularly if we intend on reintroducing alcohol into our lives again at some point.

So, if you are nearing the end of Dry July, what kinds of things might be helpful to keep up the momentum and observe some lasting changes? Here are some ideas:

– Consider what you might like your relationship with alcohol to look like. What kinds of things did you enjoy about Dry July? Was it the increased energy, better health or financial savings? How might you need to moderate your intake of alcohol to still see these benefits?

– If you are wanting to re-introduce alcohol into your week, consider what kinds of goals you might have. Whether it is four alcohol free days a week, or setting a limit on the amount you drink each day, think about what might be realistic for you.

– Reflect on how much you are currently drinking in a week (eg. 3 standard drinks each day, equalling 21 standard drinks per week), and see if you can set a new goal for yourself. Most of the risks that are associated with alcohol come from drinking daily and in high quantities, so reducing one of those variables is likely to be beneficial.

– Consider what is happening behind the scenes of your alcohol use. Is it being used to manage stress, deal with negative emotions, or temporarily lift your mood? Developing other strategies that can meet these needs may mean that alcohol feels less necessary. For example, having a shower and getting into comfortable clothes at the end of the day might be helpful in ‘closing a chapter’ on the day.

– Be curious about patterns and themes with your alcohol use. Perhaps there are some friends that you are likely to drink to excess around, or certain situations (after work, when alone, when nervous) that alcohol is being over-used. Similarly, perhaps there are some situations where you don’t feel like drinking at all, or at the very least do not struggle with the urge to have another drink.

– Set expectations with those around you. if you are wanting to make some longer-term changes with your alcohol usage, let those who are close to you know what your goals are, and what you might like from them. Even asking a partner not to buy wine on the way home, or organising coffee with friends rather than drinks, can be a useful way to set up situations that will support you to change. This way you’re not in a situation where drinking is expected.

So if you are nearing the end of Dry July – well done! It is a great first step in making a big change in your relationship with alcohol. At this stage you will likely be conscious of a lot of things that might trigger an urge to drink, as well as the strategies that are effective in doing things other than having a drink. Now is a great time to consider what you might like the rest of your year to look like and how you might be able to create lasting change.

“A world where confidence and identity aren’t measured in standard servings …”

This is a line from our organisational mission at Hello Sunday Morning. It’s a clever way of bringing a serious issue around Australian drinking cultures to light. How many people do you know that drink to boost confidence or would consider drinking as part of their identity? It’s troubling to me; not the drinking, but the ‘how’ and ‘why’ we drink.

I was never a big drinker. I would never dream of pressuring anyone into drinking and was completely comfortable to say ‘no’ if I felt pressured myself. This was simply my ‘normal’ – it was never something I reflected on. Despite this, working at Hello Sunday Morning has taught me so many things about our drinking cultures. This is exactly why I believe each and every one of us has something to learn and reflect on, whether we think we do or not.

I wanted to take the opportunity to outline a few of the key things I’ve learnt as someone who truly thought I had nothing to learn.

1. It is very hard to detach yourself from a cultural norm, especially when you don’t even realise you’re accustomed to one.

When I applied for my role at Hello Sunday Morning one year ago, my first thought was, “Oh man, I guess I have to stop drinking if I want to work here.”

Looking back, of course that was my first thought. Of course I was worried that my friends would think I’m a loser for working with a company they perceived to be against drinking. Of course I struggled with the idea of giving it up completely, even though I didn’t drink that much in the first place. I didn’t realise that thoughts like this were exactly why Hello Sunday Morning existed: to empower people to have whatever relationship with alcohol they wanted, as long as it was the best one for them. I now pick up on all the little cues that it’s something deeply embedded in our society. My friends don’t peer pressure at all and seem comfortable with each other’s decisions, yet I still haven’t managed to go out and say no to alcohol without the classic, “Oh, do you have to drive? That sucks.” I find myself getting the pity card a lot, and this would never have bothered me before when I was still attached to the expectation myself. Only now do I notice these subtle hints, and I find myself slightly offended that it’s such an unreasonable thing for me to simply not feel like drinking tonight. I simply ‘must’ be driving.

Having now been exposed to a vast range of people with different relationships to alcohol, from sobriety and moderation, all the way to weekend binge drinking or dependence, I also empathise with the people who do struggle. These extremely subtle lines from people who don’t think they are saying anything wrong can actually affect someone in a much more complex way. My reason for not drinking may have been because I didn’t feel like it, but you never know what someone’s reason might be. There’s a chance it’s not something they want to be reminded of, and in fact, it could be dangerous to their health to make these assumptions. By detaching myself from the current drinking culture, I now never make an assumption as to why someone isn’t drinking. For me, it is as simple as saying, “Okay, cool,” and moving on with the conversation.

2. When it came down to it, I didn’t really have any good reason to drink. Ever.

When I really looked deep into my drinking and thought about why I did it, the reasons just didn’t seem to measure up to what I thought I knew about myself. Before you start thinking I’m going to preach about sobriety, I’m not. I still drink even after this discovery, but I’ve simply changed my reasons for doing it. On the outside, not much is different. But on the inside, I feel like a new person.

I used to drink to fit in with what everyone else was doing, or because I was at a bar, or because it was happy hour so I may as well take advantage of a $5 glass of wine. But now, I drink because it’s a hot day and I love the taste of a Pimms and ginger ale in the sunshine, or because I’m sharing a cocktail jug with a friend who I haven’t seen in a while and I’m enjoying our time together, or because this wood-fired pizza would really suit a Pinot Noir to match. Changing my reasons for drinking has helped me appreciate the rare occasions I do crave a drink, because now I take the time to think about the reason on each occasion, rather than mindlessly follow through.

Having this realisation has also been great for my wallet. Now, I actually ask myself if there is something I’d rather spend $18 on than a cocktail (usually the answer is yes!). Without even realising it, I’ve stopped ‘going with the flow’ of having multiple alcoholic drinks with friends and I’m usually happy with just the one. I would also certainly not recommend keeping up with your friends by drinking non-alcoholic drinks throughout the night – speaking from the experience of a terrible, sugary, ginger beer hangover last New Year’s Day. Turns out that’s a thing!

3. We. Are. All. Different.

Something I never understood before was just how differently everyone reacts to alcohol. Giving life advice on how somebody should change their relationship with alcohol, based on your own personal experience, is not the smartest idea. There has been a lot of change in the world lately and we’ve learnt to become a lot more accepting and supportive of people who are ‘different’. People are opening up about experiences that others might not understand, and we’re learning how to find communities who are similar to us in these ways. Understanding a relationship with alcohol is no different. Some people are more prone to developing an alcohol dependency, while others have no issue with only having a couple of drinks. Some experience horrible symptoms after only one or two drinks, while others could drink all night and wake up with no hangover. Some experience a hangover as a headache and are fine after a late morning lying in bed, while others experience hangovers as a wave of anxiety and depression that could last for days. The list goes on.

However, in saying this, I’m not only trying to bring to light that people who don’t suffer as much should be more respectful and considerate of those who do. This is a two-way street, where those who struggle can learn to understand that not everybody has the same experiences as them. Sometimes alcohol is not a good idea for one person, but for another, it’s not so harmful and choosing to drink moderately isn’t a shameful thing.

So, if you’re like me, and think you’re pretty comfortable with the way you drink, I’d really encourage you to take a moment just to think about it as deeply as you can. Start getting into the habit of asking yourself, “Why am I really having this drink?” every time you go for a sip. Consider if the reason really comes down to your personal choice or a cultural expectation. Let’s measure our lives in smiles, good times, high fives or sunrises, rather than standard servings.

 

An excerpt from A Happier Hour, written by Sexy Sobriety‘s Rebecca Weller.
Sexy Sobriety is an online life-coaching program designed for women who are ready to take control of their lives and unleash their authentic selves onto the world.

Back when I was in my corporate job, we were encouraged to take a ‘Defensive Driving’ course that involved performing a variety of manoeuvres on a race track. In one of the exercises, we were instructed to speed up and then slam on the brakes and avoid hitting a particular safety cone. Despite our best efforts, we all hit that cone.

We tried the activity again, but this time, rather than focusing on the cone, we were instructed to look for a safe place to steer the car. Same distance, same speed, same brakes; just a different intention and focus.

We were stunned. Every single one of us avoided the cone.

Our instructor explained that if something or someone jumps out in front of you, the worst thing you can do is look straight at it as you’re trying to avoid it. You need to focus on where you want to go, rather than where you don’t want to go.The lesson was powerful and I often found myself telling clients about it. Time and again, I noticed that when we focus on our fears, we often smash into them. And if we’re not focusing on where we really want to go, how can we expect to get there?

When it came to drinking, how many times had I given myself a lecture about not making a fool of myself, or letting the night get too messy, only to find that’s exactly where I’d ended up? Too many to count.

I thought about the next three months and everything I wanted to do, see, hear, taste, and experience in that time. Above all, I thought about how I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel playful, with confidence that was authentically me, not poured from a bottle. I wanted deeper connections, less anxiety, more space, more love, more potential. I wanted transformation, dammit!

I didn’t want to undertake a challenge that would make me miserable, and I was determined to make this experience a positive one. Sensing that overwhelm was not my friend, I decided to start with just two words of intention that inspired me most. I opened my journal to a fresh page, and wrote, My Sobriety Experiment.

My biggest fear around sobriety was that I’d never have fun again, so I decided to start with the big one. On the next line, I wrote, Playful. I thought about what playful meant to me. Creativity, fun, spontaneity, mischief, joy. I tapped my pen against the page, thinking about what I could do to feel that way without booze. I brainstormed on the page:

Choose love over fear. Trust. Believe. Tell jokes. Send funny messages to friends. Create fun, easy recipes. Schedule time off-line. Watch comedies. View each day as an adventure. Try new things. Take beautiful photos. Invite friends to lunch. Paint my toe nails. Create. Share. Skip. Giggle. Dance.

I took a deep breath as I reviewed my list. See? I told my inner critic. That doesn’t sound so bad. I turned the page and chose my next word, Radiant. I thought about what that word meant to me. Sparkly, healthy, glowing, connected, blissful. Obviously, just skipping the alcohol would guarantee that I felt infinitely more radiant, but what else could I do? I jotted down everything that came to mind:

Go to bed earlier. Stretch at sunrise. Juice. Run. Go to yoga class. Offer help. Eat fresh, whole foods. Feel sunshine on my skin. Splash around at the beach. Picnic in the park. Keep a gratitude journal. Meditate. Write. Create. Eat dinner by candlelight. Choose quality over quantity. Phone friends and family. Listen. Practice random acts of kindness.

I reviewed my lists, and started to feel tingles of excitement about this little adventure. Inspired, I switched on my laptop and created a secret Mood Board on Pinterest. I wanted something pretty I could look at on my phone whenever I felt wobbly; images to remind me how I wanted to feel, and why I was doing this. Why I wanted to change; what life might be like without this unhealthy habit; the kind of person I could become if I were free of its clutches.

Like a woman possessed, I spent hours clicking around the internet. Nutritious food, women doing yoga, women running on the beach, women splashing around in the ocean, click click click. Job done, and feeling marginally better about the whole endeavour, I decided to go one step further. I had a feeling this challenge would be one of the biggest of my life and I’d need all the safety nets I could possibly create.

For my birthday the previous year, Dom bought me the large vision board I’d been swooning over for months. It was gorgeous, with a huge expanse of white space to pin pictures, and a beautiful wooden frame, painted white. He’d kept it a surprise, filling the board with photos from our travels and other meaningful souvenirs. He snuck it into our study before coming in to meet me and a huge group of friends at a bar in the city. Naturally, because it was my birthday, I got rather silly indeed, downing cocktail after cocktail like it was the eve of Prohibition.

Dom had planned to surprise me with his thoughtful gift when we got home that night, but my actions robbed him, and myself, of the chance. I was a drunken mess and didn’t even remember the cab ride home. The next morning, when he took me into our study and showed it to me, I felt wretched with guilt and stupidity.

Now, I took a deep breath and lifted the board off the wall. It was time for an update: to the board, and to my life.

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How often have you sculled a delicious beverage? Or scoffed down a tasty meal without even thinking about how the food was prepared or how the flavours complement each other?

What we are forgetting to do when we follow this behaviour is savour. Even moving away from the experience of food, sometimes we’re so preoccupied thinking about what to do after a beach walk that we forget to watch the waves, listen to the sea gulls and really feel the sand between our toes.

While savouring involves pleasure, it is in fact more than that. It involves mindfulness and “conscious attention to the experience of pleasure”. When we are more aware, we notice and acknowledge pleasure., whether that be through feelings and emotions or through a stimulation of our senses. What this allows us to do is filter out distractions, and become awed by being in the world.  

The savouring experience 

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Ever experienced a moment that you will never forget? This is savouring! When we reflect back on a treasured moment, often we can remember exactly what we were wearing, the smell in the air and the temperature outside because our minds took a mental photograph and we savoured a memory.

Practicing savouring is practicing mindfulness

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Often we don’t find satisfaction from mindlessly doing. We can appreciate something more when we take the time to savour the thing and therefore experience a deeper level of gratitude.

Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the greatest mindfulness zen masters of our time, teaches us that “Each minute we spend worrying about the future and regretting the past is a minute we miss in our appointment with life – a missed opportunity to engage life and to see that each moment gives us the chance to change for the better, to experience peace and joy.”
And like most things, it’s a practice

The health benefits of savouring

And if you weren’t already convinced, savouring is actually good for your health! For example, positive psychologists have found that savouring is protective against depression, while dieticians have found savouring food is both better for digestion and an excellent way to keep that bikini bod in shape.

So what can I learn to savour?

Often when we think of savouring, we think: wine. Sommeliers and amateur wine tasters are good examples of people who practice savouring.

But as we’ve already mentioned, almost everything can be savoured. Bread can be savoured. The moment can be savoured. Even places can be savoured. So now we’ll consider how you can learn to savour what is lauded as the best drink of the day: tea.

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Next to water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world. Although we often refer to the long history of alcohol in human society, tea is another substance that can compare in terms of cultural significance.

We have a few ideas to get you on your way to becoming a tea connoisseur by practicing the art of savouring:

How to savour tea

  • Perform a tea ritual, where the process is not about actually drinking the tea but all about preparing and serving.

The best thing about savouring?

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You can do it whenever, wherever. And if you happen to be around Sydney in October and want to put your new skills to the test, sink your teeth into Sydney’s Good Food Month and savour the flavours.

 

Last Sunday one of our amazing Hello Sunday Morning members, Ruby, totally smashed the Blackmore’s Sydney Marathon. But I know many of us are thinking, “Gym? Who’s Jim?”  And boy, do I know that sentiment. When it’s been so long since you’ve exercised, all fitness related terms begin to sound like a foreign language. But you’ve tried to hop back onto the exercise bandwagon. We’ve all tried. The thing is, the routine just doesn’t stick. Or at least it hasn’t, yet.

So how do you start and maintain an exercise routine? We have some ideas.

How to start and maintain an exercise routine

 

Prepare

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Although it can be tempting to write this off as no big deal, starting a fitness routine can be a genuinely tough task. In fact, it doesn’t hurt to talk to your Doctor about your plan to start exercising, especially if you haven’t exercised in a while and/or have other health concerns. If that’s not for you, jump ahead and start making yourself a fitness plan.

One of the biggest mistakes that we make is not setting appropriate goals when we plan our exercise routines. Have you heard of the SMART criteria for how to create good goals? What this means in terms of exercise goals is that they need to be targeted, show measurable progress, and be realistic.

The key word here is realistic. Many of us jump the gun when creating these sorts of goals. Expecting yourself to run five kilometres every day, right off the bat, is a great ambition –– but not a realistic goal. So take it easy and ditch the all-or-nothing frame of mind. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

Everyone’s realistic goal will look different. Maybe when you’re a week in, the plan is to go for a run three times a week. At this stage, your indicator of success may simply be: did you get out the door? You might’ve walked the whole way, but as long as you got out of the house when you intended to, you checked off the box.

Further down the track, when you’re more comfortable with your three-day-a-week walk/run, you might set the intention to run for 30 minutes on each occasion without taking a break. Maybe you could start adding other activities to your routine, like resistance training. Perhaps throw in a longer run on the occasional Sunday. Soon enough it will be like brushing your teeth – a healthy habit.

Mix it up and see what works

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Try different activities

Usually, when we think of the word ‘exercise’, we imagine either toned people cheerfully running in the sunshine, or Schwarzenegger’s figure pumping iron at the gym.

But you’ll be happy to hear that there are so many other activities that count as exercise. Rock climbing, Zumba, yoga, team sport, parkour, dancing – the list goes on (and on, and on …).

You could even try one of those workout plans that everyone’s always raving about at the water cooler. Typically these provide you with an interesting and specific exercise routine, access to a community of fellow exercise-ees, and sometimes even a nutrition plan. Kayla Itsines, we’re looking at you.

Try exercising at different times of the day

Morning workouts

Some people try exercising in the morning and it becomes their everything. And it’s true: this is a great way to start the day, giving you the energy and headspace you need to kickstart your morning.

Here are a few tips if you’re planning on giving the morning workout a go:

  • Lay out your workout clothes the night before;
  • Plan the workout you’ll be doing. If you’re going to a class in the morning, book it in. If you’re doing your own thing, maybe consider roping a friend along to hold you accountable;
  • Set an alarm: don’t snooze. As soon as the alarm goes off, that’s it. No second guessing. You’re up. Dressed. Out the door.

P.S. a secondary tip here: keep your alarm away from your bed so you actually have to get up to turn it off.

  • If you’re anything like me, with a tendency to remain half-asleep for at least an hour after rousing, consider writing yourself a morning to-do list. Brush teeth, water plants, drink coffee. check, check, check.

Evening workouts

For those of you who groan at just the thought of waking up to see the sun rise, there is always the trusty old evening workout. This is actually an excellent way to de-stress at the end of the day. Plus, there is the obvious benefit of getting to snooze a little longer in the morning. Pack your exercise gear with you when you leave in the morning for work. The key thing to remember here is that if you go home before exercising, you’ll probably just end up eating a snack on the couch. (It’s okay, we’ve all been there!) Again, classes are a great idea in the evenings.

It all just depends on how you roll.

You’ll figure out what exercise time is best for you.

Try exercising both alone and with others

Solo work-outs mean you get time and space for yourself. It means that you can work at the level that best suits you and really absorb yourself in the exercise task.

On the other hand, exercising with others also has its benefits. Primarily, you’re held accountable for turning up. If you’ve promised your mates you’ll turn up on Sunday morning for a doubles tennis match––unless you want to be “that guy”––you know you’re going to go.

Eliminate excuses

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If you’re serious about this, eliminating excuses should become your priority.

At least at first. Once exercise is a part of your routine, you can begin to work your life around your fitness schedule.

But the biggest excuse we tend to pull out of our back pockets is time. The thing to remember is,no one has time to exercise. Not even those people who do exercise regularly. You have to make time to exercise.

Plus, there is evidence to suggest that if you exercise in the right way, you might not even need to invest much time at all.

Other excuses might include:

“I don’t have access to a gym,” to which we say, there are plenty of workouts you can do outside of a gym.

“I don’t have a babysitter,” in which case we suggest ways to get fit with kids in tow.

Even, “I actually just hate exercise” simply means talk therapy might help.

The list of exercise excuses is neverending. But if you look hard enough there’s a reasonable counterpoint to each one of them. Eliminate excuses and you’re halfway there.

You don’t need to become an Exercise Person

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You definitely know who I am talking about when I describe Exercise People. These people are persistently posting health food and fitness photos on Instagram, and invariably touting activewear at all times, even when they’re not actually exercising.

But, really, you don’t need to become an Exercise Person (i.e. change everything about yourself) when you begin to exercise regularly. Just because you brush your teeth every day doesn’t mean you’re “super into dental hygiene,” although that’s probably a good thing if you happen to be. Think of exercise in this way: it’s just another part of your average day.

Get to it

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Our final piece of advice? Frankly, now’s the time to just stop thinking and start exercising. So hop–step into your sneakers and grab some H20 on your way out the door, because it is time to get physical! Don’t forget to applaud yourself for every workout. And voilà! You’re on your way to starting and maintaining an exercise routine.

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