binge drinking Archives | Page 3 of 5

Ah, dads. We love them. We fight with them. Some of us are them.

They are the architects of the best/worst jokes known to mankind (depending on your taste). And for many of us, they represent great pillars of strength and sanctuary. Fatherhood is a beautiful thing.

And it can be easy to forget that our dads have lives of their own. Between giving life advice and being consistently overbearing, dads remain in the middle of their own journeys; they have their own lives and hopes and dreams.

When was the last time you asked your dad how he is doing? I mean really asked him. Person to person. Is he struggling with anything at the moment? Does he feel comfortable talking to you about his emotional circumstances? The answer might be no. And that is okay. But chances are that there is a wealth of wisdom lying latent in your dad’s catalogue of personal experiences.

For example, have you ever talked to your dad about his relationship with alcohol? It is a difficult topic to broach, terrifying even. I mean, where do you begin? Honestly, he probably feels the same way as you do, wanting to share his experience but not sure where to begin.

How to talk to your dad about alcohol

Think about what to say

You know when you’re caught in a persistent cycle of thoughts before you’re about to have the conversation you’ve been dreading? Rumination. It can be truly toxic. So don’t let that occur. Just think about the issue vaguely. And then let it go until you have the conversation. If you begin to feel that sensation of dread creeping up on you, stop. Acknowledge it. And move on with your day.

Be gentle, but direct

By this we mean: don’t ambush them with the subject, but also make sure not to beat about the bush. You want to talk turkey and get to the crux of what you want to say. This conversation will, at first, be confronting. Wait for the right time. Take a deep breath. Say the thing.

And believe me, there will come the moment, just before you open your mouth, during which you will want to bolt. Your insides will turn to mush and your voice will be stolen, having dissolved into thin air in a split second. But that is okay. You’ve got this.

Begin the conversation: share something about yourself

But how to actually begin the conversation? There are many ways you could approach the topic, and the best for you may vary depending on your relationship with your dad. But generally, a good tip is to share something about your experience with the issue. So you could say something like “I have been thinking a lot about my relationship to alcohol lately. I have realised that it has been really valuable for me to reflect on it.” In your own words, of course, but you get the idea. Saying something personal demonstrates to the other person that you are comfortable (or maybe uncomfortable, but open to) being vulnerable around them.

Illustration by The Oatmeal

In her TED talk, Dr. Brene Brown discusses the power of vulnerability. It is exceptionally difficult to let yourself be vulnerable in front of others. To be vulnerable is gutsy. To be vulnerable is brave.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen,” says Dr. Brown. Letting ourselves be vulnerable. And, she adds, “staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” Which, many have argued, is sort of the point of everything. We are wired to connect to other people, it’s one of the things that has enabled humans to be so successful as a species.

Plus, even though we don’t talk about it, most of us are actively seeking those honest human connections. We are looking to have more meaningful conversations, even though it often feels as though we are caught in a rut of small talk.

When it comes to talking to Dad, being vulnerable and having these talks can feel extra harrowing. Dads are tough. Dads embody masculinity. For many of us, their support can feel like a emotional sanctuary. And this remains true.

Although we’re often taught the opposite, being emotional is tough. Being open and unguarded is the most mortal and powerful things we can do.

Humour

Despite having raved about how difficult this is in the past few paragraphs, this conversation will ultimately be wonderful. Strange, scary, wonderful. All of it. So don’t be afraid to be yourself. Use a bit of humour, be engaged and excited to be having this discussion. In fact, laughter is even suggested to be great way to get people to open up.

Laugh about how scared you were to have this conversation. Laugh about how difficult all of this is.

Don’t assume anything

And finally, don’t make any assumptions about where the conversation will go. We project so many of our personal biases onto other people, all of which are based on our personal experience of the world. And we sometimes forget that we will never completely know people. We know things about them. We know what they like and what they dislike. But no person will ever completely know what is going on inside the brain of another. So don’t assume anything. Let yourself be surprised.

So, this Father’s Day, have a difficult conversation with him, and give him the gift of connection.

Historically, mind altering substances and music have gone together naturally. Alcohol in particular has such a ubiquitous presence at social events that in some of these contexts, it’s considered inconceivable to forgo drinking. So we’ve considered the challenge of going to a gig sober.

Okay, so it sounds like a great idea but what does it take to actually pull this off? Here we have some suggestions for how to go to a gig, or any other social event, as sober as judge, and have an excellent time while you’re at it.

Start small
Realistically, you just can’t go all-out at every gig

Some might find that heading to a local, smaller gig to start with is a good way to have a solid crack at going sober to a social event. Of course, it depends on the atmosphere, but smaller venues might provide a better environment to observe your comfort level. You might realise that without alcohol, you get tired sooner, or that you need something to do with your hands. Caffeine can help and so can a glass of tonic water. Start out small to figure out what you need and what works best for you.

2. Ask for support

Consider having a discussion with close friends or family about your decision to take on this challenge. Of course, this is easier said than done, but trust that genuine friends will want to look out for you. When Jezebel talked to author Sacha Scoblic about her book, Unwasted: my lush sobriety, one of the biggest takeaways was to talk to your friends. Scoblic suggests that your sobriety can benefit your friends, too, as you help them realise a new way of experiencing social events. You might even consider asking a mate to join in on being sober for the night. Think about the support you need to get through the evening, and then don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Plus, you can talk to the folks who are heading to the upcoming event with you. Are you feeling anxious? Excited? Either way, let them know how you feel about making this choice.

3. Look forward to the show

Go to something you actually want to see. Be it a small show at the local pub or a head-banging metal concert, whatever suits your fancy. But get excited! This way you’ll be able to try focus on the show itself as opposed to the drink you’d usually be downing.

Plus, alcohol’s depressant qualities kind of dull your senses. Without it, your eyes and ears can feast. In fact, considering the amazing way that music affects our brains, it’s not so far off the mark to describe music as a drug in and of itself (despite this fitting a painful loudmouth cliche).

4. Discover

Discover the experience and create memories.

Discover the experience. The sights, the sounds, the whole shebang. Check out this account of a festival raver who discovered that the sober gig experience wasn’t just alright, it was better; suggesting that everyone should give it a go at least once.

Discover the power of dance. Give into the music’s unrelenting pulse of invitation. You might feel silly at first. Or afraid of how you will look. But you needn’t, and you shouldn’t. Instead, in the cheesy but true words of William Purkey (or Mark Twain, no one is really sure):

Sing like no one is listening.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching,

And live like it’s heaven on earth.
Because, really, what’s the worst that could happen?

5. Know you’re not alone

At an event like a festival, people often assume everyone is drinking. And up until now, you also might have assumed this about everyone there. But, in fact, it is becoming increasingly popular to go to social events like festivals sober.
As sobriety begins to gain a more fashionable reputation, a host of events which are structured around the burgeoning sober culture are beginning to pop up. From juice crawls to sober daytime raves, many are realising the value of enjoying experiences, alcohol-free.

Get gigging!

Most government and media don’t understand why young people drink so much. Everyone keeps speculating but the reality is they have no idea what it takes for a young person to NOT binge drink. For a young person to shift their established drinking behaviour is a choice they also make subconsciously to accept the following…

1) one by one take away all their friends. If they drank to excess before, then they most likely will have friends that drank at similar levels.

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There seems to be quite a lot of debate of late about the Brisbane Nightclub’s 2am Lockdown proposal.

Firstly, I must say that I am incredibly impressed by the way social media has been used to enroll a population of young people that are against it. 14,500 members on the Facebook group. Damn. That’s almost a third of the entire Australian Army!

Secondly, I want to disclose that I completely understand why the powers at be have proposed what they want to do. There are more people on Brunswick St on a Friday or Saturday night than there is on any night at Cavill during schoolies. I dare you to go through there sober, there are munted people everywhere! It’s crazy. I honestly have to take my hat off to the vastly outnumbered police, they really are paid to bear the brunt of our weekend indiscretions. I can understand why they would want to give up in desperation. I’m guessing the lockdown is probably the result of one of a police person getting badly hurt and they are now throwing their hands up.

However, thirdly (and more importantly) locking people out of a nightclub at 2am isn’t going to stop the problem of binge drinking, or by extension, the problem of violence. That’s pretty obvious. One way or another, unless there is a shift in an individual’s psychology, the individual will do whatever it takes to express that which they currently express through drinking or fighting. The more we try and contain a psychological problem (binge drinking) with laws and regulations, the more that psychological problem will manifest into something else. A 2am lock out might stop the violence for a couple of hours in the morning but it won’t stop the violence.

I believe that we need to work together (young people, police, government and the industry) and agree to work together to change those parts of our culture that has made this mess in the first place, rather than glorify them. We need to commit to an understanding of acceptable behaviour that is self-regulated by the expectations of our peers rather than enforced by others.

As a young person, every time we ignore when one of our mates writes themselves off or gets into a bit trouble without saying anything, we are actually condoning their dysfunctional behaviour and ultimately we are forcing the hands of the authorities. If we fail to stand up, the Brisbane nightclub’s 2am lockdown is just the start. That is how it is.

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For more information, here are some articles from Brisbanetimes.com on the facebook group and the lockdown plan.

To find out why a person drinks to excess, here are a couple of previous posts on the topic; Identity, Confidence, Emotional Intelligence.

The last couple of weeks I have been watching a lot of people on the news point their finger and throw their hands up in desperation. I really want to step up our efforts in finding a way to use Hello Sunday Morning as a vehicle to shift Australia’s Binge Drinking Culture.

As such, this is the brief version of my ‘HSM 5 Finger Plan’. Please pull it apart and chuck in your ideas and suggestions. This is what we will be presenting back to government at the end of the project so your input is highly important to me! C.

Stage 1) DEVELOP THE BRAND

Further develop the Hello Sunday Morning brand

Young people communicate through brands. We hope to build the Hello Sunday Morning brand into an accessible and attractive symbol for a healthy drinking. We need to provide ways for people to get behind the brand if they believe in what it stands for. Events, merch, opportunities etc.

Stage 2) GET GOOD PEOPLE BEHIND IT

Identify and engage the right kind of brand advocates

At the moment, our resources have only permitted for one brand advocate to go through the program (moi). But we need to get other, more influential young people involved to really kick the project’s effectiveness into gear. We need to inspire and engage the right kind of young person to wear and believe in what the brand stands for. What would it take to get them on board?

Stage 3) SHIFT THEIR MINDSET

Change they way they look at alcohol

We then need to provide them with opportunities, experiences and responsibility that shifts their psychological belief systems around why they feel they ‘need’ to drink to excess. We would need to develop an attractive 3/6 month program that they can be coached through to ensure that their psychology around alcohol does shift.

Stage 4) MAKE THE SHIFT VISIBLE

Use social media to get the word out there.

Each person has around 150-200 people that they have direct influence over. Our job is to ensure that the shift in the advocate’s psychology is vividly displayed to every one of their 200+ people. We do this by providing them with an expansive range of social media tools and skills that make sure their change is seen. This would include video, audio and writing material that would be displayed on the Hello Sunday Morning website and through their respective social media accounts.

Upon the success of the initial brand ambassador program, Hello Sunday Morning would then conduct a similar initiative around in the other capital cities in Australia. This will then inspire young people from different areas to take more notice of the possibilities and make the program relevant to them. This process could potentially even be replicated in a rural area or have a collective of rural young people connecting together online.

Stage 5) GIVE IT TO THE PEOPLE

Provide a way for any and every young Australian to do their own Hello Sunday Morning.

My favourite part!! We need to build an attractive digital resource that provides an opportunity for ANY young Australian to go through a similar process of transformation. Similarly, they will be provided with the tools, support and strategy to communicate their change amongst their respective sphere of influence.

A) Online

Develop a strong online community where young people can track their growth, compare where they are at with that growth and get support for their individual journey. Furthermore, Hello Sunday Morning would provide materials for those in the community to access to support them through the process (vodcast, podcasts, books etc.).

B) Offline

Ideally, would need to provide and promote amazing things for young people to do on the weekends that aren’t centered around drinking. Potentially we could work out what the average Australian young person would spend on alcohol each week and then make each week’s activity cheaper than that (visually representing this in the promotion of HSM). Ideas??

I want Hello Sunday Morning to be a place where young people can shift Australia’s binge drinking culture within ourselves, with our own two hands. What do you you all think??

What does it mean to drink alcohol ‘in moderation? There are so many definitions, standards and doctor-words out there I don’t think anyone really has any idea how much alcohol we should drink.

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Getting home from the valley around 2am, i must say we have always had an awesome time and i cant say that i felt uncomfortable at all but the truth is we didn’t really meet anyone new or challenge ourselves socially.

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We have just submitted a tender application to ‘academise’ the research we have done through the project. Hopefully this should give us some dollars to put two people through a 3 month Hello Sunday Morning program. Which is filth et gnarly.

So, I’m putting it out there… Who’s keen?? We are looking for..

1 boy & 1 girl.

Two highly socially connected people that love to drink and are very much apart of the youth drinking culture. Two people that are up for the challenge.

What they have to do… Not drink for 3 months. Do a blog about that. They get to do fun shit on most of the Sundays like (festivals, road trips, surfing etc) and journal that online.

If you know of anyone that would be perfect for the challenge – hit me up.

HSM LOVE!

If there was one core question that the Hello Sunday Morning project is an attempt to try and answer, I believe that question would be ‘how do we change the behaviour of those around us?’ More specifically, how do we change a normalised, very attractive behaviour like binge drinking? This post highlights what I believe are some core principles that start with ourselves to inspire that change.

Obviously the HSM project is directed to answer this question in the context of drinking behavior, however I believe that there are some core principles that give us the necessary leg-up to change any dysfunctional behaviour.

I was talking about this concept in depth with three of my good friends recently; Brendan, Simon and Eddie and I started to drop a few ideas. These are the first five we came up with…

1) Seek to understand – ‘Walk a mile in their psychology’

This is about not having any expectations. People have a lifetime of infinitely different experience in which their reality is their ‘truth’. At all times we need to seek to understand the deeper psychological belief systems that lie beneath the beahviour rather than going to a place of judgement.

2) Take great action – ‘Be the change that you want to see in the world’

Inspiring change in others starts with your our two hands. Seeing people like my older brother say that doing Hello Sunday Morning has made him change his own drinking behaviours has been one of the most incredibly rewarding part to this process. People learn from people so in any given moment, ask yourself the question, ‘what are you teaching those around you to become?’

3) Have more fun – ‘Show them the alternative’

In the context of changing people, they need an alternative. They need to see that they can get what they are getting (and more) from doing the alternative behaviour.

One of the biggest things I have really strived for this year is to work out how I can get all the good things that alcohol would give me, with out it. I want to be able to dance anywhere, be able to talk to anyone with confidence. I guess you could call it prosthetic drunkenness. This is the selling point of a project like this. Facing each moment.. ask how can I have even more fun?

4) Get a commitment – ‘I’ll do whatever it takes’

Getting someone to commit to change the first battle. I sometimes like to think that on a subconscious level I set up Hello Sunday Morning to commit to changing my own behaviour (and those of the people that surround me) to as many people as I possibly could. I guess it is a little bit extreme but it’s the best way to give them support in their change – talk about their commitment to them and people they look up to.

5) Giving support – ‘How can I support you in your decision?’

The human mind is exceedingly complex and the way in which we want to be supported/loved is just as unique. We need to ask them how they, specifically, want to be loved/supported/helped as apposed to just going with our ‘assumption’ as to what they need.

Get specific actions and make an agreement. With my mates, we lock in a time and date by when we need to achieve a particular activity. Sometimes it’s something simple like a phone call a week. But the thing is to ask first.

SOOOOO, this is our first list… anyone got any more ideas?????? PLS Comment…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9WB3KTX0rQ]

Continuing on with this series of posts on the drivers behind our binge drinking culture, I want to now explore the psychological driver of ‘purpose’. What does it mean to have purpose? How does a young person lose it? how it is found? and how does a lack of it translate into dysfunctional drinking behaviour.

A person without purpose is like a jellyfish. They sway and migrate with the oceans currents; they have no say in their future and are protected solely by their reliance on the collective. They fit in.

A person with purpose is like a shark. They fear nothing, they take what they need, when they need it and they are completely deliberate in their actions. They make shit happen.

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How to talk to your dad about alcohol

Think about what to say

Be gentle, but direct

Begin the conversation: share something about yourself

Humour

Don’t assume anything

Start small

2. Ask for support

3. Look forward to the show

4. Discover

5. Know you’re not alone