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We chat to Osher Günsberg, one of Australia’s most recognised TV hosts, about how he learned to change his relationship with alcohol by taking it one day at a time.

Osher shares that he lives a great life now and can choose how he spends each day. This wasn’t the case eight years ago.

“There was a time when I could tell you exactly how my day would end. I no longer had a choice. I look at the way I lived when I was still drinking and I guess now what I get to do is live a life in contrary action to that.”

“Making the choice to not drink everyday, allowed me to redefine who I was as a man.”

Osher started to realise how embedded alcohol was in our culture and how socially acceptable it was to use it as a way to self-medicate. For Osher, it was managing his nerves and anxiety.

“It’s in every piece of pop culture, ‘Oh I need a drink, I had a shit of a day’. Everyone’s fine with it and for some people that’s okay, but for me I had started to use it to be able to function. The amount that I needed to feel okay eventually become unmanageable and I needed it to stop.”

When Osher had this realisation he reached out to a sober friend to ask how he managed to quit drinking.

“He told me he went to meetings and I asked him if I could come to one of those meetings with him, and he said sure.

I always thought sobriety was sad people drinking bad coffee on plastic chairs under a church. I didn’t know that sobriety could look like this guy who was fit, healthy and talented.”

You have to make the decision

Osher wrote down in a Journal the day he decided to start his journey towards an alcohol-free life:

“I won’t have a drink until I can have a healthy relationship with alcohol.”

He admitted that it was too much at first to say ‘that’s it, I’m never drinking again’; he had to trick himself.

“I remember at one point, one of the people helping me through it said all you have to do is just get to 10 o’clock tonight when your head hits the pillow without having a drink and you’ll be fine. So I got to 10 o’clock that night and put my head on the pillow and went, ‘well, there you go, I did it. It was hard, but I did it.’ The next day was just a tiny bit easier and the next day a tiny bit easier than that.”

“Sometimes it got smaller and I made the decision not to drink that hour.”

You need support

Within six weeks or so the possibility was evident to Osher that perhaps he could never have a drink again. However, by then he was okay with that. Osher said it wasn’t until he started to explore the reasons why he was drinking that it became easier not to. He went to meetings, worked with a therapist doing CBT, and explored other things and new people to inspire him. As well as finding meaningful work to do.

“There’s a big difference between being sober and not drinking.

Not drinking is – ‘I’m gritting my teeth and carving my fingernails into the desk here just to get through this shitty day and wishing that I could have a drink.’
Being sober is – ‘I’m okay with living life the way it is and I’m okay with the ups and downs.’

There’s a big difference with learning the skills and management strategies from your own emotions to get through those difficult times without turning to alcohol.”

One day at a time

Osher says the most important thing when changing your behaviour is to break it down and just get through that time.

“Sometimes it might be like, ‘I’m not going to have a drink before lunch. Then you get to lunch and say, ‘I’m not going to have a drink before dinner and you grit your teeth after sunset and say, ‘you know what? I’m going to go to bed today without having a drink’. Sometimes you make that choice not once a day, but ten times a day.”

“If you’re no longer making choices in your life because of your drinking I would say to you – what are you doing to yourself? To your family? And to your own happiness?”

Feature image by Who Magazine

One interesting thing to consider when looking at human behaviour is the idea of the vicious or virtuous cycle. Certain things in our life roll over onto others, and before long we find ourselves in either a positive or negative feedback loop.

How can you recognise this cycle?

Looking at human behaviour, we can see that a lot of really important aspects of our lives can be narrowed down to these feedback loops. The more aware we are of this, the more opportunities we have to shift them towards more positive outcomes.

Within society, some examples of vicious cycles might be:

Eg 1. A company that is struggling to be innovative and forward thinking starts to lose its younger staff because it is not keeping up with the times. This in turn makes it harder for them to recruit new people and become innovative and flexible.

Eg 2. A park is beautiful and scenic, but when it begins to be graffitied and filled with rubbish, people are less likely to keep it clean or avoid littering themselves. This is also known as the ‘broken windows’ phenomenon.

Eg 3. A child who has a difficult temperament and some behaviour problems starts school. At school they have issues with a teacher and other students. Their behaviour problems become worse and he becomes even more difficult to manage.

Some examples of a virtuous cycle might be:

Eg. 1 A business that improves its quality might see an increased level of patronage, leading to more profit and the ability to improve quality even more.

Eg 2. A company that sells sustainable and environmentally friendly products might see an increase in their sales from consumers. They can then scale their production and lower the cost of environmentally friendly products.

Eg. 3 A child who is provided with reading stimulus early on in their lives may be more likely to enjoy and be proficient at reading when they start school. They might even achieve ahead of other students, thus making reading and english a strength for them.

So how do these cycles apply to our relationships with alcohol or our general wellbeing?

Here are some possible examples:

Vicious Cycle

A person who is having relationship issues is spending a lot of time drinking at home. This is affecting their sleep and wellbeing, and resulting in less productivity and clarity during the day. It will also be more likely that they will have a drink in the evening to improve their mood.

A person has gained weight from drinking daily. They try to make good choices in their food, but are under-eating and feeling really hungry and drained at the end of the day. This means they may be more vulnerable to having a drink in the evening as they are craving calories from alcohol.

Someone who is trying to improve their mood by exercising sets an alarm for 6am, but doesn’t get up in time. This could lead them to feel even worse and upset with themselves.

Someone who is experiencing social anxiety might be more likely to drink to excess in social situations. However, this also means that they may be more likely to behave impulsively or do something socially unacceptable – making it likely that they will continue to feel social anxiety and a concern about being judged or criticised!

Virtuous Cycle

A person may start exercising daily with a friend as a way to improve their mood and health. They find that it is an effective way of lowering stress, as well as having a social interaction and chance to chat with a friend. This makes it likely that this will become a regular part of their routine.

Someone cuts back on drinking in order to spend more time with their kids in the evening and on the weekends. They find that their mood is better and they are saving money, which they are spending on things that are important to them.

A person may make changes in their diet as a way to lose weight, and find that in addition to weight loss they are experiencing greater energy and clarity during the day, helping them to perform better at work and at home. In turn making it likely that they will continue with their new food choices.

How do we replace the toxic cycle with more positive patterns?

As you can see, these kinds of cycles are fairly straightforward, and the cause and effect are fairly evident. It can be helpful to look at our own virtuous and vicious cycles, to see what kinds of things are playing out in our lives.

Often when we are looking at making changes to our wellbeing and health, we can be strategic about getting into virtuous cycles. We can look at certain things that are likely to keep a useful behaviour going. These can be things like making sure we exercise with friends (much more fun), or that we ensure that we can measure progress and benefit of things like exercise or a change in diet. Our brains love to know when we are making progress and reaching goals, and being able to see things change and progress is really powerful in keeping a virtuous cycle going.

Similarly, if you have noticed that there are some vicious cycles playing out, whether with alcohol or in your general life, see where you might be able to break the feedback loop. Being aware of cause and effect is enormous and often when we are in the middle of things, it can be hard to see this. However a bit of perspective is invaluable.

If you would like to chat some more about making changes to your wellbeing and relationship with alcohol, please feel free to speak with one of Daybreak’s Health Coaches. The coaches are there to give you some advice and support about breaking old cycles and building new ones.

Moderation may not be for you, so when you decide you want out, what next?

The cons have started to outweigh the pros when it comes to your drinking habits or you may just be sick of being hungover and not doing the things you love. Maybe you’ve realised that the way you are drinking is leading you down a dangerous path health-wise or you could be jeopardising your relationships with others or yourself.

It is not an overnight decision

Quitting drinking for most people isn’t something they just wake up one morning and say “Okay, I’m going to quit” and that’s that. When you have been doing something for a long time, it becomes a learned behaviour and this is not an easy thing to change. That’s why it is imperative that people seek as much support as they can to help them with this process.

For many people working to change their relationship with alcohol, it is more of a journey and the path is not always clear. It might come with setbacks and ups and downs, but at the end of the day, it is always a positive decision.

Set intentions

When you first decide that you want to change, it is helpful to set out some intentions and visions of what you want your new life to look like. If you think about it, changing your relationship with alcohol is actually a lifestyle change. Your social life may change, you might change the people you surround yourself with, you may change your routine or hobbies.

Ask yourself: What do I want my relationship with alcohol to look like?

Do you want to be able to say no comfortably?
Do you want to be able to talk about why you’ve decided to quit drinking?
Do you want to stop drinking so you can focus on other areas of your life? What are those areas? Family, relationship, career?

What do you do with your spare time?

Often when you cut back or stop drinking altogether, you can find that there is a whole lot of spare time available. It is incredible how long the days can be if you are not recovering from, or using alcohol. For some this is a welcome change and all the things they had previously wished they had time for – like fitness, sober social activities or study – suddenly become doable. For others, however, there can be a bit of a void, and the evenings or weekends can tend to drag on.

Here are some tips for those who have stopped drinking and are asking themselves ‘now what?’

Consider what role alcohol was playing for you. Was it an opportunity to socialise, or to relax? Generally if you can identify what kinds of needs were being met, you can then find ways of achieving this without alcohol.

Take Jeff for example:

Jeff found that going to play poker and trivia were lifesavers when he moved to a new town. He didn’t have many friends and loved the social environment. However, he also found himself drinking most nights of the week and ending up with bad hangovers which affected his performance at work. After considering it for a while, Jeff started playing social basketball a couple of nights a week and only went to trivia every fortnight. At trivia he limited himself to light beer. This way he could get his social fix without necessarily putting himself around alcohol every night.

Or Anna:

Anna found that her nightly glass of wine was a good way to switch off from the day and unwind. It was part of her nightly ritual of making dinner and bathing the kids and she found it hard to stop at one or two. After a while Anna decided that she couldn’t continue on the same path. She found that doing some self-care activities before the nightly rush (such as having a bath and putting on her favourite music while preparing dinner) gave her the opportunity to relax and unwind. It allowed her this downtime without having to tolerate the effects of alcohol the next day.

It will also be helpful to consider what kinds of needs you have at the moment which are currently unmet. These could be things like health or personal growth, things that have not been addressed because you didn’t have the time or capacity to focus on them in the past.

The time after you stop or cut back from drinking can be one of major personal growth. It can be really good to reflect on how you’d like things to change in terms of your relationship with alcohol and with your life in general.

Set goals and monitor your drinking

How much would you like to be drinking and how much would be reasonable for you to aim for? Consider the situations in which you might be wanting to drink less and the situations where no change is needed. Try this for a week and keep track of how much you drink by taking note on your phone. This will help you realise what kind of role alcohol currently plays in your life and will help you reframe what you want your new relationship with alcohol to look like. For example: ‘At the end of the month I would like to be able to just have 3 beers when I’m out with mates.’

Try a few replacement behaviours

When you are at an event, practice ordering drinks like soda water with fresh lime or a mocktail. That way when Dry July finishes, you will feel more comfortable turning to non-alcoholic drinks and this will help you to stick to your moderation/mindful goals. If you have a habit of getting home from work and pouring yourself an alcoholic drink, try running a bath instead or going for a walk with a friend/partner/dog.

Take note of the ‘culture’ in your friendship group

Is it around getting drunk together, and if so, what might you like to change about this? Sometimes the biggest challenge can be saying no to that extra drink and needing to explain that you are cutting back, and why. It will be easy to have Dry July as an excuse, but it may prove to be more difficult explaining to friends why you are not drinking like you used to in the long run. Try experimenting with this and some possible reasons you may have for cutting back. This could be around health, or even saying, ‘I’m taking a break for a while, to see what it’s like without alcohol’.

Look at past situations

Consider situations where you generally don’t drink as much, and look at what helps in that situation. Is it knowing you have a limit (e.g. driving), or is it situations where you’ve eaten beforehand, or are with people you know aren’t big drinkers? See if you can use these existing situations to inform future plans. Similarly, consider the situations where you tend to drink heavily – what is happening there? Is there an expectation that you’ll drink, and a situation that supports this (e.g. staying overnight, unlimited alcohol)?

For long term change, you have to be ready

The reality is that until you are ready to change, you will probably not stop drinking, particularly if it is serving a purpose or there has become a dependency.

If you find you need extra support to help you change, check out Hello Sunday Mornings’ mobile behaviour change program, Daybreak.

“I have been drinking since time immemorial; so much so, I can’t pinpoint an exact
time in life where I didn’t indulge in alcohol to get through the day. What I did not realise is that I relied on booze to escape my pain, the kind that has no cure. Although I must admit, it got me far.”

Ever since my mother passed away, everything seemed surreal. Considering the fact
we had a tough childhood, barely making ends meet, it was our mother that got us
through the toughest of times. The sacrifices she had to make, slowly and eventually,
sucked the life out of her. I guess it is this guilt that eats me alive, seeing how when I
finally stood on my feet, there was little I could do to comfort her as she took her
last breath.

Now you know what caused me to lose myself to alcohol, you must understand it did me more harm than good

I could always rely on booze to drown my pain and sorrows, but it never allowed me
to recover. By recovery, I refer to a state of happiness. What is even more saddening
is I have a caring husband, with two adorable children and yet I feel sorrow. No
matter how hard I try, my past seems to haunt me. What I have realised is that
alcohol adds fuel to fire, making my life more miserable, although things were not as
bad as they seemed.

“The biggest drawback of alcohol consumption is that you lose your self-esteem. You
pity yourself while your confidence wavers.”

The purpose of sharing all this is so that others realise they are not alone. I wish for them to change their ways, for a healthier and prosperous future. Everything may seem well and good in the beginning. Eventually, there will come a time when it will be difficult to function without alcohol.

The affects of an alcohol dependancy

Since I was finding it difficult to deal with my addiction, I thought it necessary to do a bit of homework to find the motivation I needed to get myself sober and stay that way. Believe it or not, it worked! I got over alcohol for good and now I feel a lot more confident, happy and efficient. For this reason, I thought it necessary to share my experience.

The list of problems caused by alcohol can go on and on, with the most prominent of
them being lack of happiness, satisfaction, and self-esteem. Even though you may get rid of your drinking habit, your problems will not disappear into thin air. However, it will give you the breathing space you need to think with clarity, thus eradicating the chance of making terrible mistakes that could affect you and your family.

At the same time, you will learn new things about yourself

It will take some time before you reach your true potential where your self-esteem gives you the ability and confidence to build relationships with people that matter.

Eliminating alcohol from my life has done wonders for me. I feel positive, doing
whatever it takes to serve as a role model for my family, to show them they can aim
high and be happy, instead of punishing themselves for not being the person they
want to be. I’ve also put a limit on caffeine consumption and have made significant
changes to my eating habits to boost productivity.

As absurd as it may seem, small steps lead to big things, and that is a fact. Also, don’t
shy away from seeking professional help. The idea here is to grab whatever opportunity comes your way and make the most of it rather than complain about everything. This requires courage and self-belief, which is not all that difficult to gain.

No matter what problem you are dealing with, just know this, you are not alone.
Alcohol never was, and never will be the answer to your problems. If you are willing
to take a leap of faith, by taking small steps, you will never find the need to depend
on alcohol again.

If you do need support to change, check out Hello Sunday Morning’s behaviour change mobile program Daybreak.

Blog written by Hello Sunday Morning supporter, Jenny.

For someone trying to change the way they drink, how to survive the holidays can be a challenging question. Most events like Christmas parties and family get-togethers come part and parcel with drinking. We take leave from work and connect with others; it feels natural to relax and have a few extra drinks. For many Daybreak members, this can result in slipping back into a lifestyle they are wanting to move away from.

1. Reflecting on past holidays can be a valuable tool

Some good questions to ask yourself might be:

“When my holidays are over, what would I have liked to have done?,” or, “In previous years, what did I wish I had spent more/less time doing?”

Now, looking towards the near future, take a moment to ask, “What would I like to spend my time on?” The holidays are a precious, limited time to be close to the people we love the best. It’s worth taking a few minutes to think about how you want to spend it.

2. Have a plan to survive the holidays

Having a plan in place before you get to these situations is much easier than trying to make something up on the spot. When speaking to people at Christmas parties and end of year celebrations, you can say something like, “I’m focusing on my health at the moment and have noticed that alcohol is really setting me back in terms of fitness,” or, “I’m not drinking this year, as I want to feel refreshed after the holidays, but please don’t let that stop you.”

Another good strategy to survive the holidays is to have a plan in place for triggers or situations that might compromise your goals. Ask yourself, “What am I going to do if I have an argument with my siblings and feel overwhelmed?” or, “What am I going to tell my parents when they offer me a drink at lunch?”

Sometimes our loved ones are worried that if we aren’t drinking, we might judge them or behave differently. It will be good to emphasise that you don’t expect them not to drink. You are just not drinking at the moment. Not drinking doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Ideas to make the transition easier:

Have a non-alcoholic drink in hand. The varieties of non-alcoholic beers are increasing and the potential for mocktails is limitless.
Not drinking doesn’t have to be a subtraction. Explore all the amazing things you can do when you’re not sprawled on the couch. If you’re in the southern hemisphere, start a game of backyard cricket, head down to the beach or pool for a swim or kick around a footy. If you’re in a cold place, organise a day on the slopes or a family talent show inside.
Or, you could be everyone’s new favourite person by offering to be the designated driver.

3. Be kind to yourself

Understand that holidays and family get-togethers can be very challenging, particularly if there has been a conflict in the family. Sometimes we can feel anxious or exhausted by being back in the family dynamic, and also without the numbing effects of alcohol. The good news is that often it is alcohol that triggers arguments and disagreements within families, and not drinking will allow you to step away from that and look at things differently. Sometimes alcohol can feel like it is necessary to deal with family, but when we take it away or reduce it, often we find family gatherings are less tedious.

A good way to survive the holidays is to acknowledge that they are a bit of a mixed bag. There will be stressful situations and perhaps a tense conversation or two, but the holidays also come with these bright moments, those moments of connection and celebration that make all the stress worth it. Sticking to your goals on changing your relationship with alcohol drinking might not stop your mum from asking you pointed questions about your love life, or your crazy uncle from airing his political views over dinner, but you may find that you come away with more of those brights moments, because you made choices about how you wanted to spend your time.

To find out more and to download Daybreak, a program by Hello Sunday Morning, visit hellosundaymorning.org/daybreak.

I am a married mother of two children. I live in a beautiful house in a nice neighbourhood. To anyone outside, I seemed to have it all.

Nine years ago, I held my father’s hand while he took his last breaths as he passed away from alcoholic cirrhosis.
I never thought it was possible for people to die from alcohol abuse and, honestly, I was angry that he let it get to that point. I never thought I would be headed down the same road.

Of course, it didn’t happen overnight. I started drinking on weekends, progressed to weekdays and then it became a regular daily occurrence. Some days were worse than others, where I drank so much I would completely black out and not remember what I had said or done the day before. Some mornings after I had too much to drink the night before, I’d vow to myself I’d never drink again. That lasted for a day or two and then I would promise myself that the next time I would just have a few glasses instead of a few bottles of wine. I kept this going for a few years. If I didn’t drink the night before, I’d make up for lost time the day after.

I got to a point where one bottle of wine per day was normal and I would have two other bottles on standby. Then two bottles became my new normal and I started drinking earlier in the day, hiding my bottles so that my husband couldn’t see that I had started drinking before noon. I used any and every excuse to drink. Good day, bad day, weekend, celebrations, you name it, I’d have come up with a reason why drinking was acceptable on any given day.

My entire life was starting to crumble. My relationships with friends and family were suffering. I wasn’t truly present for my two children, and my marriage was on the verge of divorce. I said and did hurtful things, some of which I didn’t even remember doing. I was ashamed of myself but the more I tried to control myself and try to moderate my drinking, the more I failed and eventually got to a point where I considered ending my life. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I had a drinking problem. I knew I had a problem because drinking at 8:30 am is not normal, but I couldn’t say it out loud and the thought of never drinking again scared the hell out of me.

My choice

I went online and found Hello Sunday Morning and an online app called Daybreak. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I didn’t want to go to AA meetings or any other type of support group because it terrified me. As clichéd as it sounds, admitting you have a problem is the first step. I logged onto Daybreak and for a while just lurked on the app, reading posts from other people who were having the same problems that I was having. I tried and failed a few more times but on 25 September 2016 I finally decided to get onto the app and stick to my commitment to stop.

What I found on this app was support and understanding like I didn’t know existed, from strangers all over the world. Strangers who encouraged and held each other up and who were all suffering in the same battle. Some had been there longer than I was and it gave me hope to stick to it. People on Daybreak gave me tricks and tips on how to get through the toughest battle I had ever had to fight in my life. It was absolutely mind-blowing to witness the pure honesty and goodness of these people. It is truly like a gathering of the best humans in the world all in the same place, and support was there any time of day or night.

I chose not to go to AA and similar meetings because they did not resonate with me at all. I personally find AA to be outdated and somewhat religious, so it just wasn’t for me. Daybreak and the people who supported me have saved my life. I don’t know where I would be had I not had their support.

Sobriety has changed my entire life. My relationships with family and friends, my marriage, all of it changed for the better. Of course, it didn’t happen overnight, but incrementally every aspect of my life got better and old wounds started to heal.

I am and will forever be grateful for Daybreak and all the wonderful people that are on the app for their support. If anyone is questioning themselves about their drinking or realises that they have a problem, Daybreak is such a great place to start. Support, understanding and compassion and most of all, no judgement. People that are going through the same journey understand how difficult this can be.

From the bottom of my heart to all of you at Daybreak and Hello Sunday Morning, thank you for saving my life.

Love and strength,

Judz01

To find out more and to download Daybreak, an app by Hello Sunday Morning, visit hellosundaymorning.org/daybreak